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| Acknowledgments | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Training--Avoiding the Fall From Pace and Belly Smacking into the Lactic Acid Pool | |
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| Rules to Run By (Heh, Heh, Heh) Devious guidance from a jealous wall-battered running relic to a well-tapered novice | |
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| Just Call Me Gumby: Mr. Rigidity's flexible foray into the limberland world of stretching | |
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| I'm Treadmill Man, Hear the Hum: Defecting to the electronic side and becoming the addicted and self-anointed champion of the revolving terrain | |
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| Around the Learning Curve: You better know how to talk the talk before you run the run | |
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| Kenyan Water Aerobics: The uncoordinated venture into cross training machinery for the mechanically challenged | |
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| Racing--The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Da Feet | |
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| Runner Mutation: Just pin that race number on the meek runner and let the personality transformation begin | |
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| Not So Scarlet Letters: You may never have to place that ignominious three-letter acronym on your T-shirt after all | |
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| City of Lard, Here I Come: How low will one overly fixated man go just to have something in his trophy case? | |
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| Parade Charade: Never discourage unjustified admiration, as reality can be highly overrated | |
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| Introduction to Ingurgitation: The tricky task of learning how to simultaneously run and ingest sport drinks without drowning | |
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| Turkey Lemmings: Thanksgiving turkey trot gone awry as a runner and his race are soon parted | |
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| Send in the Clowns: Can a live rock concert performance at mile 20 distract you from the unpleasant fact that you've just hit the wall big time? | |
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| The Mindset of the Distance Runner--The Plentiful Peculiarities of the Perspiring Fanatic | |
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| Trick or Feet: The inherent joy of being surrounded by the latest in polyester clothing and free nasal strips | |
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| A Streak Isn't For the Meek: After consecutive days of running comes to an end, it's good to learn the shoes will still come up tomorrow | |
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| Loony Ways of the Wayward Runner: One person's peculiar actions are simply the rational running quirks of another | |
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| The Runner's Better Half: To love, honor, and cherish for faster or slower, for sweaty or clean, in lactic acid buildup and perpetual carbo-loading | |
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| Shoe-Be-Do-Be-Do-I-Did: The runner's love affair with cushioned soles, heel stability, and breathable synthetic mesh/leather uppers | |
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| How Many Virtual Miles Do You Have?: Leveling the running field with the virtual reality of the training log | |
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| Mind of the Lost: The danger of a memory bank operating as a warehouse of only running related facts | |
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| The Runner's Multiple Skills--Abilities Uncovered in the Unbearable Heaviness of Breathing | |
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| Tegla Take Two: How the super-human elite athletes and I are not cut from the same nylon running shorts | |
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| Aggrandizement Amplified: The continuous attempt to make you a bit jealous of my greatly embellished feats | |
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| Get Your Groove Thing: One person's grinding gait is another's graceful dance as we all move to the beat of a different runner | |
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| You Can't Lose Me Now: Even if we runners do indeed always wind up where we started, at least we're clear on what's around us | |
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| Exhilaration of Exhaustion: Can there actually be bliss in glycogen depletion and pleasure in delayed onset muscle soreness? | |
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| Nutrition and Recovery--The Search for the Holy Snail and the Joy of C3--Couch, Chips, Clicker | |
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| On My Way Back to Candyland: The magical elixir may be in the sugar bowl and, if not, at least it'll be a lot tastier than dry wheat gluten | |
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| It's All in the Drool: Take it from the ignoramus of intensity, there can really be too much of a good thing | |
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| The Idle Truth: I may be in shape, I may have great stamina, I may train hard--but I'm truly as lazy as a sloth bear | |
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| The Missing Drink: Discovering the joys and perils of cafe latte | |
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| The Marathon--Would We Be Doing Any of This if Pheidippides Had Been in Just a Little Better Shape? | |
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| Marathon Madness: The astounding allure of running 26.2 miles, otherwise known as maniacal masochism | |
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| From the Plains of Greece We Come: Who knew the history of the marathon could be funny? Certainly not Pheidippides. May he rest in peace | |
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| Rookie Runner, Hear My Words: Delivered from on (runner's) high we receive the Ten Commandments of running store coach | |
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| The Answer Is Going to Be Yes: Time to get that Did Not Start off my running resume and join over 30,000 of my closest strangers on the Verazanno Bridge | |
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| Coach Rod and the Zone: The fascinating, monotone, chain-smoking visitor that arrives at the prerace warm-up for one's second marathon | |
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| Injuries--What Tunes Does the Iliotibial Band Play? | |
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| The Endorphinless Runner's Low: Cross training through an injury works for some, but excessive amounts of food and TV works for others | |
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| Name That Ailment: Kick off your training shoes, put your sore legs up, and play along at home with the running (literally) game show | |
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| Run to Glory, or at Least the End of the Block: With my seemingly annual injury ritual, I've always been able to excel at impatience | |
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| Aging Gracefully--If I'd Known It Could Be So Much Fun, I'd Have Done It Sooner | |
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| Lifetime Taper for a Masterful Peak: Only a fanatical runner can find unbridled excitement at the prospect of turning 40 | |
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| Which Way Did it Go?: The consistent and fruitless search for that old missing in action thing called speed | |
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| Competition and Effort--I'd Whoop My Grandma in Tiddlywinks! | |
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| Battle in the Basement: One man's insane subterranean rage against the treadmill machine and the skid marks to show for it | |
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| Nocturnal Decathlon: Let's face it--deep down we're all keenly competitive, but some of us just haven't found our contest yet | |
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| Yo, Einstein! Recognize a Pattern Here?: Fast twitch, slow twitch, or nervous twitch--best to know what you are! | |
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| Best Laid Plans: Murphy's laws of human incompetence meet Schwartz's laws of running | |
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| Running Matters: I'm not really a pushy parent just because my kid's first word was fartlek | |
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| Motivation--To Thine Own Sole Be True | |
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| A Very Calculating Man: You may be mathematically inept, but you can still be a computation whiz in the world of running | |
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| Procrastinate Now: The fine art of learning that the sooner you delay a run, the more time you have to get it in | |
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| Twin Theories of Running Resourcefulness: Ingenious methods of never letting those darn old facts get in the way of the race results | |
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| The Motivator in the Hat: Who was that extraordinary, intelligent, and inspiring man in the captivating cap? | |
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| About the Author | |
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| About the Illustrator | |