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| Dedication | |
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| Preface | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Key to a Great Vacation: Take Half the Baggage and Twice the Money | |
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| Parents Are the Last People Who Should Have Children | |
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| Cinnamon Rolls Should Be a Separate Food Group | |
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| A Good Neighbor Lets His Grass Grow As Long As Yours | |
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| You're Not Getting Older. You're Just Getting...Older | |
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| It Doesn't Matter How Well You Play Bagpipes...It Still Sounds Like You're Practicing | |
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| It's Always the Guy Who's Winning That Says Golf Is "Only A Game" | |
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| Spending Time with Your Kids: How Else Is a Parent to Learn Life's Lessons? | |
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| Princess Grace: The Last of Economy-Class Weddings | |
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| Do the Roaches Come Under The "No Pets" Clause? | |
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| I'm the Other Man in My Own Marriage | |
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| Real Men Don't Even Know How to Make Quiche | |
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| "Righteous Indignation": Getting Mad without Swearing | |
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| How Much Is This Conversation Costing Me? | |
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| A New Kind of Sunday Sermon | |
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| Of Text Books and Bank Books | |
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| Abandon All Hope, You Who Press "Enter" Here | |
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| How to Cook for Children or Raisin Bran without Raisins Is Just Wheaties | |
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| Real Cowboys Don't Line Dance | |
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| The 21st Century Dating Game or Dr. Kildare with a Nose Ring | |
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| "A Rose by Any Other Name..." | |
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| "Because It's There": A Wimp's Look at Extreme Sports | |
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| Father's Day Is Like Mother's Day--But the Presents Are Cheaper | |
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| It Could Be the Guy with the Green Thumb Is Just a Bad Painter | |
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| A Fine Gourmand Willshare His Culinary Secrets | |
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| A Grandpa Is Only As Old As He Looks--Before Breakfast | |
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| An Engagement Is That Time of Life When A Person Is Neither Married Nor Single | |
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| From Our Dogs We Learn Fidelity, Honor, and to Turn Around Three Times Before Lying Down | |
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| A Field Guide for the Weekend Warrior | |
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| The High School Reunion Survival Guide or "Try to Imagine Me with Hair" | |
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| Indecision Is the Key to Flexibility | |
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| "Stone Walls Do not a Prison Make." You Also Need a Well Stocked Refrigerator | |
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| Job Security: Or "How Long Have You Been with the Company...not Counting Tomorrow?" | |
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| Falling off the Turnip Truck | |
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| Now You Say It...Now You Don't | |
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| My Son Never Took Mind-Expanding Drugs--I Can Tell by His Grades | |
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| Teching Honesty or One Good Lie Requires Another | |
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| Mary and Joseph Must Have Had My Medical Plan | |
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| Are You the Opposite Sex.?...or Am I? | |
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| An Optimist Will Spend His Last Dollar to Buy A New Wallet | |
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| "What We Have Here Is a Failure to Communicate" | |
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| Brother Can You Spare Eighty Thousand? | |
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| Some of the Best Years of My Life Were When I Was 29 or You Know You've Reached Middle Age When... | |
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| How to Choose a Good Restaurant--Where the "House Red is Something Besides Tomato Juice | |
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| Parent-Child Relationships: "Exploitation" Is Such a Relative Term | |
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| "Why Do They Always Ask If That Was My First Kiss?" or Questions Best Left Unanswered | |
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| It Takes 3 Sheep to Make 1 Sweater. and I'll Bet You Didn't Know Sheep Could Knit | |
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| True Love...or Mid-Life Crisis? | |
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| Tax Loopholes: A Whole New Meaning for "Untold" Wealth | |
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| A Teacher Comes out of the Closet | |
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| The Facts of Life? Try the Hardware Store | |
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| "Driving" Your Kids Crazy | |
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| "Alexander, Come Here; We Need You" | |
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| Track and Field: It's More Than Just Getting Sick | |
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| All The World Loves A Lover--Except Maybe Those Waiting to Use the Phone | |
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| Forget Palm Springs...Try Mercury | |
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| Winter Blues? Try Lots of Rest, Exercise, and a Stiff Belt | |
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| Teaching Children the Basics or Oatmeal Is not a Finger Food | |
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| About the Author | |