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| Acknowledgments | |
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| Introduction | |
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| How to Say "I Love You" | |
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| Practice, practice, practice: Developing the positive habit of saying "I love you" | |
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| Say "I love you" ten times to your partner | |
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| Challenge the old, cold thoughts that keep you from saying "I love you" | |
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| Say "I love you" with no strings attached: Be careful of your expectations | |
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| Learn why you have trouble saying "I love you" | |
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| Saying "I love you": Getting started and keeping going | |
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| Explore nonverbal ways to say "I love you" | |
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| Say "I love you" with creativity, humor, and imagination | |
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| Praise helps your partner feel loved | |
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| Write a love letter to your partner | |
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| Share your deepest hopes, dreams, and yearnings with your partner | |
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| Practice intimacy: Saying "I love you" by opening the gates to your private world | |
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| Say "I love you" during really hard times | |
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| Don't keep it a secret: Tell others you love your partner | |
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| Choosing not to hurt your partner: What not to say in the name of love | |
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| How to Show Love | |
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| Show your love by making time for your partner | |
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| The doubly loving relationship: Becoming helpmates and best friends | |
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| Listen with love | |
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| Show love by understanding your partner | |
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| Show love by accepting difference | |
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| Love needs trust to form a strong bond | |
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| Show your love by respecting your partner | |
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| There's a difference between having sex and making love | |
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| One of the best times to show your love is during conflict | |
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| Give your partner the gifts he or she really wants | |
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| Do something generous for your partner | |
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| Unexpected surprises add romance to your relationship | |
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| Keep "I love you" special: Don't misuse or overuse the words | |
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| Follow the accordion model of a loving relationship: Recognize the value of both closeness and temporary separation | |
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| There must be fifty ways to love a leaver: Helping the partner who runs from closeness | |
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| How to Take In Love | |
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| Make a promise to yourself to take in your partner's love and affection | |
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| Put your "no" on the shelf: Choosing to let in your partner's love | |
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| The five steps that let you take in love | |
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| Take in love one small bit at a time to avoid feeling overwhelmed | |
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| You can't take in what you don't see: Notice the times when your partner is caring and considerate | |
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| How to avoid the slide into defensiveness (only looking for the bad stuff) | |
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| Give your partner opportunities to be loving | |
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| Practice taking in love every time you give it out: Breathe in silver and breathe out gold | |
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| Take in love at your growing edge | |
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| Let love in even though you've been hurt before | |
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| Take in love and comfort even when you have difficulty loving yourself | |
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| Act "as if" you believe people love you until you actually believe it | |
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| The hole in the bucket problem: Recognize and understand why you have trouble taking in love | |
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| Don't be greedy: Nobody owes you constant love or attention | |
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| My lover's love is like ... Writing analogies and a story about your partner's love | |
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| The spiritual aspects of taking in your partner's love | |
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| References | |
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| Index | |