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| Intro: Induction into 2011 | |
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| Trendspotting For the Novice | |
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| The Next Few Years Are All Wondrous | |
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| Mediocrity | |
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| Gumby: The Mascot of 2011 | |
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| The New Way to Say Shove It! | |
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| The Caboodle: Advanced Trendspotting | |
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| Dive into Trends ... and Believe in Them | |
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| Fad, Faddy, and Fattening Trends | |
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| Bolts from the Blue | |
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| The Decade Is Starting Anew-and Maybe the World Is Too: Paraphrasing Sondheim, What Else | |
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| Golly, Beav, Is There a Right Way? | |
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| Stay Informed by Depersonalizing | |
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| The Business of Selling, as Opposed to Shilling | |
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| Treat Me Right or You Won't Get My Money | |
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| The Biggest Picture: The Customer Is a Hyperaware King | |
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| Can an Athlete Really Be Trusted to Make Money for Us? | |
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| Lying: Is That Your Final Answer? | |
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| We Fib | |
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| Why Smart Sellers Can Spell Fnord: And Why It Really Matters | |
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| Yes-Sadly-Sprint Was Correct | |
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| Frito-Lay's Cholesterol Story | |
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| How to Major in Napping | |
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| Welcome to BAS: I'm Talking to You | |
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| Greet This: How a City Civility Campaign Ruined Friendliness | |
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| "46": The Middle Ages | |
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| The New Low in Business Etiquette: Stealing without Aplomb | |
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| Victoria's Secret's Mentality: How Cities Got Overtaken by Lingerie | |
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| Fred Trump and That Other Guy | |
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| Machiavellian Skin | |
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| The One-Word Chapter: What's the Mission of Every Company? | |
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| Sex and Snakes and Couch Jumping: How to Be Sure You're Not Selling to People Who Don't Buy during This Era of Attention-to-Noise Surplus Ratio. Otherwise Known as, "What's This? A Laermer Blog Post?" | |
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| CC, No No! | |
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| What Happens on TV Stays on TV: Building a Brand from Personal Experience | |
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| Techno-Centric | |
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| What's DAT, Exactly? Another Fabulous Analogy about Unnecessary Technology | |
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| Bacn and the Art of Communicating Later | |
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| Ah, My Identity: Take It at Your Own Risk | |
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| Give Me Some Couch Love, Babe, Yeah, Give It to Me, Oh, Oh | |
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| Battery Management Corp.: One Further Step in Our Quest For Power | |
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| Computer Is Gone-Is Life? | |
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| Heads in Air: The New Toy Won't Replace Our First Love | |
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| And Finally, EID (E-mail Is Death): Long Live New Mass Communication | |
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| Sport Mail | |
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| Hi-Tech: The New New and Improved | |
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| Blog Anonymously and Lose Your Self-er, Your Cell | |
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| The End of the Beta: You Just Got to Stop This Affair | |
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| Entertain Your Diversions | |
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| "Seriously, Just Being Nominated Is Enough": Ah, Bullshit, Award-Show Overload | |
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| The Game of Famous: A Case Study That Is Far from Hollywood | |
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| And They All Lived Hollywood Ever After | |
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| Serial Lifer | |
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| Jennifer Lopez's Antics: The J Down Lo | |
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| Make Media Your Friend (Then Make Bank) | |
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| Watch and Learn | |
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| The Black Eye of Memory: Media and Big Stories | |
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| The Media Next Decade | |
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| The Language of Life | |
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| One Potato, Two Potatoes Later | |
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| Where Are the Phrases to Catch Us? Revival of "Fun Speak" | |
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| Taking Responsibility for Your Words Is Not Just Good Psychology | |
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| Living with Ed | |
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| Society with a Small "s" | |
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| New Rule: You're Not Freaking Cool Just Because You Say You Are | |
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| How to Keep Nascent Trends from Dying on the Vine: How to Cope with Change, Too | |
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| Looking vs. Searching | |
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| Say You're Gay and Induce a Yawn (or, "Gay for Play" Has Had Its Day) | |
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| Faith, Politics, and the Death of a President | |
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| 609.72, Minnesota Statutes 2006: The Oddest of Current Laws | |
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| Demeaning the Presidency Has Brought Us Down | |
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| Planned Layovers in America: An Article That Did Good | |
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| Savvy Muscular Old People | |
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| Teens Shall Remain Narcissistic (This Surprises You?) | |
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| Thoughts about Generation Broke: This Chapter Needs No Sub | |
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| Gap of Mentoring (Generation Broke, Part Two) | |
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| Work Personality-Life Personality Balance: Is Any Town Big Enough? | |
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| The Truth about "Kidlessness": And the Future of Pals with a Little One between Them | |
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| Ah, to Be Nice, Perchance to Dream | |
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| Epilogue and Other Chapters I Couldn't Fit Anywhere Else, so Stuck Them Here | |
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| Terms I Made Up + Newfangled Future Speak | |
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| Self Something or Other | |
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| Good Morning, Today Is January 21, 2011 | |
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| Top Seven Mistakes Small Businesses Make: A Guide to Saying WTF | |
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| The Outro: An Epilogue Comprising Last Words, First Words, Wordiness | |
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| Notes to Part Three | |
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| Index | |