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| Acknowledgments | |
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| Introduction: From Predicting Divorce to Preventing It: An Introductory Message from John and Julie Gottman | |
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| "All You Ever Do Is Work" | |
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| Our Analysis: A Cycle of Criticize/Defend/Countercriticize | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| One Year Later | |
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| Healthy Complaining Versus Harmful Complaining | |
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| The "Oversensitive" Partner | |
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| When One Partner Works Too Much | |
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| Quiz: Is There Too Much Criticism in Your Relationship? | |
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| Exercise: Listen for the Longing Behind Your Partner's Complaints | |
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| Exercise: What's Your Mission? What's Your Legacy? | |
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| "Will We Ever Get Over Your Affair?" | |
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| Our Analysis: Sidestepping Difficult Feelings Blocks Emotional Intimacy | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| One Year Later | |
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| The Hazards of Avoiding Conflict | |
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| The Affair-Prone Marriage | |
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| Quiz: Do You Avoid Conflicts, or Do You Talk About Them? | |
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| Exercise: Calm Down to Avoid Flooding | |
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| Exercise: Identifying Your Feelings | |
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| Exercise: The Marital Poop Detector | |
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| "After All the Crises in Our Lives, We Don't Feel Close Anymore" | |
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| Our Analysis: Stress Creates Emotional Distance and Hinders Romance | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| One Year Later | |
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| How a Little Selfishness Can Help Your Marriage | |
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| Quiz: How Much Stress Have You Had Lately? | |
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| Exercise: Steps to a Healthier Lifestyle | |
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| Exercise: Keep Your Love Map Up-to-Date | |
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| "You Never Talk to Me" | |
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| Our Analysis: Attacks and Counterattacks Make the Marriage Unsafe for Conversation | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| One Year Later | |
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| The Antidotes to Contempt: Fondness and Admiration | |
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| Quiz: Is There More Room for Fondness and Admiration in Your Marriage? | |
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| Exercise: Three Things I Like About You | |
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| Exercise: Nurturing Fondness in Your Relationship-A Seven-Week Plan | |
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| "You Don't Care About My Dreams" | |
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| Our Analysis: Ignoring Dreams Beneath the Conflict Stalls Communication | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| One Year Later | |
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| Your Hidden Dreams and Aspirations: The "Prairie Dogs" of Marital Conflict | |
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| Quiz: What Are the Dreams Within Your Conflicts? | |
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| Exercise: Responding to the Dreams Within Your Conflict | |
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| "You're So Distant and Irritable All the Time" | |
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| Our Analysis: Avoiding Emotional Intensity Postpones Healing | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| One Year Later | |
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| Helping Your Partner Through Depression | |
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| Quiz: Are You Depressed? | |
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| Quiz: Are You Anxious? | |
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| Exercise: Establish a Ritual for Stress-Reducing Conversation | |
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| "I Shouldn't Have to Nag!" | |
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| Our Analysis: Harsh Words and Defensiveness Trump Good Intentions | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| One Year Later | |
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| Quiz: Harsh Start-up: A Problem in Your Marriage? | |
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| Exercise: Turning Harsh Start-up to Softened Start-up | |
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| Quiz: Are You Open to Your Partner's Influence? | |
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| Exercise: Using the Aikido Principle to Accept Influence | |
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| "There's No Passion, There's No Fun" | |
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| Our Analysis: Failure to Express Anger Leads to Emotional Distance | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| One Year Later | |
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| How Anger Can Enhance a Marriage | |
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| A Special Message for Husbands: "Embrace Her Anger" | |
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| Quiz: How Do You Feel About Anger? | |
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| Exercise: When You and Your Partner Have Different Ideas About Anger | |
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| Exercise: Responding to Anger in a Helpful Way | |
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| "We Only Have Time for the Kids Now" | |
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| Our Analysis: Focus on the Kids Disguises the Real Trouble-Failure at Expressing Needs | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| Two Months Later | |
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| What's Wrong with a Child-Centered Marriage? | |
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| Quiz: Is Your Marriage Child-Centered? | |
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| Exercise: Give Me a Clue | |
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| Exercise: Turning Toward Your Partner's Bids for Connection | |
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| Busting the Myth of Spontaneity in Romance | |
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| Exercise: A Blueprint for Handling Conflict | |
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| "You're Not Satisfied Unless There's Some Drama" | |
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| Our Analysis: Perpetual Issues Lead to Conflict Avoidance, Lack of Connection | |
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| Our Advice | |
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| Two Years Later | |
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| Don't Get Gridlocked over Perpetual Issues | |
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| Quiz: What Are Your Perpetual Issues and What Are Your Gridlocked Problems? | |
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| Exercise: Creating a Culture of Shared Values and Meaning | |
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| Exercise: Thanksgiving Checklist | |
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| Index | |