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Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship

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ISBN-10: 1400050189

ISBN-13: 9781400050185

Edition: 2006

Authors: John M. Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Joan de Claire

List price: $25.00
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In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washingto-- made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict-- with more than 90 percent accuracy-- whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Love Lab research facility, have put these ideas into practice. In "Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage," the Gottmans share this vital information so that couples can develop the skills to turn their relationship problems around and create strong, lasting unions. What emerged from the Gottmans' collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that' s based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems-- extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy-- and examine what they' ve done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track. Giving an insider' s view of the Love Lab, the Gottmans take the reader step-by-step through the couples' conversations, before and after they are counseled. The authors also provide an analysis of the couples' interactions, identifying their core problems and offering suggestions for resolving them. By" listening" to the discussions in this way, you will learn to detect the most common stumbling blocks of a relationship and-- most important-- how to avoid them. Hundreds of thousands have seen their relationships improve thanks to the Gottmans' work. Whether you want to make a strong relationship more fulfilling or rescue one that' s headed for disaster, "Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage" is essential reading. From inside the famed Gottman Institute, aka the " Love Lab" ten scientifically proven, practical ways to strengthen your marriage " We don' t feel close anymore." " You never talk to me." " We only have time for the kids." " All you do is work." " You don' t care about my dreams." Do you recognize yourself, or your spouse, in any of these statements? If so, Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, say you shouldn' t be surprised. In fact, their decades of scientific research have shown that most couples face these and other serious problems-- but what the Gottmans have proven is that such difficulties don' t have to lead to a broken relationship, or even divorce. In "Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage," the Gottmans provide vital tools-- scientifically based and empirically verified-- that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication. You' ll strengthen your relationship and make it the most fulfilling it can be.
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Book details

List price: $25.00
Copyright year: 2006
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Publication date: 5/16/2006
Binding: Hardcover
Pages: 288
Size: 6.50" wide x 9.50" long x 1.00" tall
Weight: 1.100
Language: English

Introduction: From Predicting Divorce to Preventing It: An Introductory Message from John and Julie Gottman
"All You Ever Do Is Work"
Our Analysis: A Cycle of Criticize/Defend/Countercriticize
Our Advice
One Year Later
Healthy Complaining Versus Harmful Complaining
The "Oversensitive" Partner
When One Partner Works Too Much
Quiz: Is There Too Much Criticism in Your Relationship?
Exercise: Listen for the Longing Behind Your Partner's Complaints
Exercise: What's Your Mission? What's Your Legacy?
"Will We Ever Get Over Your Affair?"
Our Analysis: Sidestepping Difficult Feelings Blocks Emotional Intimacy
Our Advice
One Year Later
The Hazards of Avoiding Conflict
The Affair-Prone Marriage
Quiz: Do You Avoid Conflicts, or Do You Talk About Them?
Exercise: Calm Down to Avoid Flooding
Exercise: Identifying Your Feelings
Exercise: The Marital Poop Detector
"After All the Crises in Our Lives, We Don't Feel Close Anymore"
Our Analysis: Stress Creates Emotional Distance and Hinders Romance
Our Advice
One Year Later
How a Little Selfishness Can Help Your Marriage
Quiz: How Much Stress Have You Had Lately?
Exercise: Steps to a Healthier Lifestyle
Exercise: Keep Your Love Map Up-to-Date
"You Never Talk to Me"
Our Analysis: Attacks and Counterattacks Make the Marriage Unsafe for Conversation
Our Advice
One Year Later
The Antidotes to Contempt: Fondness and Admiration
Quiz: Is There More Room for Fondness and Admiration in Your Marriage?
Exercise: Three Things I Like About You
Exercise: Nurturing Fondness in Your Relationship-A Seven-Week Plan
"You Don't Care About My Dreams"
Our Analysis: Ignoring Dreams Beneath the Conflict Stalls Communication
Our Advice
One Year Later
Your Hidden Dreams and Aspirations: The "Prairie Dogs" of Marital Conflict
Quiz: What Are the Dreams Within Your Conflicts?
Exercise: Responding to the Dreams Within Your Conflict
"You're So Distant and Irritable All the Time"
Our Analysis: Avoiding Emotional Intensity Postpones Healing
Our Advice
One Year Later
Helping Your Partner Through Depression
Quiz: Are You Depressed?
Quiz: Are You Anxious?
Exercise: Establish a Ritual for Stress-Reducing Conversation
"I Shouldn't Have to Nag!"
Our Analysis: Harsh Words and Defensiveness Trump Good Intentions
Our Advice
One Year Later
Quiz: Harsh Start-up: A Problem in Your Marriage?
Exercise: Turning Harsh Start-up to Softened Start-up
Quiz: Are You Open to Your Partner's Influence?
Exercise: Using the Aikido Principle to Accept Influence
"There's No Passion, There's No Fun"
Our Analysis: Failure to Express Anger Leads to Emotional Distance
Our Advice
One Year Later
How Anger Can Enhance a Marriage
A Special Message for Husbands: "Embrace Her Anger"
Quiz: How Do You Feel About Anger?
Exercise: When You and Your Partner Have Different Ideas About Anger
Exercise: Responding to Anger in a Helpful Way
"We Only Have Time for the Kids Now"
Our Analysis: Focus on the Kids Disguises the Real Trouble-Failure at Expressing Needs
Our Advice
Two Months Later
What's Wrong with a Child-Centered Marriage?
Quiz: Is Your Marriage Child-Centered?
Exercise: Give Me a Clue
Exercise: Turning Toward Your Partner's Bids for Connection
Busting the Myth of Spontaneity in Romance
Exercise: A Blueprint for Handling Conflict
"You're Not Satisfied Unless There's Some Drama"
Our Analysis: Perpetual Issues Lead to Conflict Avoidance, Lack of Connection
Our Advice
Two Years Later
Don't Get Gridlocked over Perpetual Issues
Quiz: What Are Your Perpetual Issues and What Are Your Gridlocked Problems?
Exercise: Creating a Culture of Shared Values and Meaning
Exercise: Thanksgiving Checklist