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| Editor's Note | |
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| Preface | |
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| Acknowledgments | |
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| Introduction | |
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| My Story | |
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| Seeing Him as All-Powerful and the Center of My World | |
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| Yes, but � | |
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| I Love Him | |
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| I Miss Him (or I Need Him) and Can't Live without Him | |
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| He Is Everything to Me | |
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| It Will Hurt to Leave Him | |
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| I Have to Do What He Wants or He Won't Love Me | |
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| I Have to Do What He Wants Sexually or He Won't Love Me (or He'll Find Someone Else) | |
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| I Have to Tell Him Everywhere I Go and What I Do So He Can Reach Me or He Shows Up Unexpectedly Because He Loves Me | |
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| If I Try to Leave, He Will Kill Me or My Children | |
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| If I Divorce Him He Will Take My Children from Me or Will Have the Children Alone for Visitation | |
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| He Is a Good Provider | |
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| Denying and Minimizing His Behavior | |
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| Yes, but � | |
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| He's Not All Bad or He Has a Really Sweet and Wonderful Side | |
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| We Have Had Some Good Times | |
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| He Only Yells at Me Because He Loves Me | |
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| My Children Need Their Father | |
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| He Doesn't Hurt the Children | |
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| He Doesn't Mean to Hit Me | |
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| At Least He Doesn't Hit Me | |
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| He Doesn't Lie to Me | |
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| At Least I Don't Have It as Bad as Others | |
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| He Must Love Me-He Gets Jealous When I Talk to or Spend Time with Other People | |
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| He Must Love Me-He Wants to Be with Me All the Time | |
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| It Doesn't Matter That I Quit Doing Things I Enjoy or That He Made Me Quit My Job | |
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| It Doesn't Matter What Other People Think or My Friends and Family Don't Understand | |
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| It Doesn't Matter What Names He Calls Me | |
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| It Doesn't Matter That He Insults My Religion, Race, or Ethnicity | |
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| It Doesn't Matter That He Flirts with Other Women | |
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| It Doesn't Matter That He Withholds Affection When He's Angry | |
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| He's Learned His Lesson by My Leaving-Now We Can Get Back Together and Everything Will Be Okay | |
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| This Can't Be Happening-I Am Not One of "Those Women" | |
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| Sooner or Later, He'll See What He's Doing and Stop | |
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| Believing I Can Save Him | |
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| Yes, but | |
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| I Can Change Him | |
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| I Can Save Him | |
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| He Needs Me or He Can't Live without Me | |
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| I Have to Make This Work-I Don't Want to Be a Failure | |
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| I've Already Put So Much Energy into This Relationship That Would Go to Waste | |
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| I've Already Put So Much Energy into This Relationship-If I Leave, Someone Else Will Benefit from My Hard Work | |
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| Sacrificing My Self | |
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| Yes, but � | |
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| Lie Has Low Self-Esteem | |
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| I Don't Want to Hurt Him | |
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| Everyone Else in His Life Has Let Him Down-I Am All He Has | |
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| I Have to Stay or He Will Kill Himself | |
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| I Have to Forgive Him | |
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| I Must Stay, I Promised God | |
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| Blaming Myself for His Behavior-Believing I Deserve It | |
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| Yes, but � | |
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| If Only I Could Just Love Him Enough, He Would Change | |
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| If Only I Didn't Make Him Angry or Provoke Him | |
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| If Only I Were More Attractive/Thinner/Smarter/More Interesting/a Better Communicator/More Fun | |
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| I Made My Bed, Now I Have to Lie in It | |
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| I Never Do Anything Right-I Always Let Him Down/Disappoint Him/Say and Do the Wrong Thing/Blow It | |
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| Blaming Outside Forces for His Behavior | |
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| Yes, but � | |
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| If Only He Could Quit Drinking/Doing Drugs/Gambling/Having Affairs | |
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| If Only His Boss/Teacher/Coach Wouldn't Put Him Under So Much Stress | |
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| The Devil Made Him Do It | |
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| If Only My Family and Friends Would Treat Him Better or Be More Accepting and Accommodating | |
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| Accepting Male Privilege | |
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| Yes, but � | |
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| Men Should Make All the Decisions | |
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| Men Should Control All the Money and Property or Men Should Earn More Money Than Women | |
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| Men Have Fragile Egos | |
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| Men Don't Know How to Express Love or It's Just the Way Men Are | |
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| It's Okay for Him to Demand or Force Me to Have Sex | |
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| Giving Up on Myself | |
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| Yes, but� | |
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| I Have No Choice of There's No Way Out or There's Nothing I Can Do | |
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| No One Else Will Ever Love Me or This Is Better Than Being Alone | |
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| At Least I Know What to Expect | |
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| At Least I'm Having Sex | |
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| It's Too Late to Start Over or I Can't Make It on My Own | |
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| No One Cares about Me Anyway | |
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| I'm a Stupid, Worthless Nothing | |
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| I Am Embarrassed and Ashamed to Be in This Situation | |
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| I Have Nowhere and No One to Turn To | |
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| I Can't Find a Job or I Have No Skills | |
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| I Can't Care for My Children | |
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| If I Try to Do Something, It May Backfire and Make the Situation Worse | |
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| Someone Else Will See What He Is Doing and Save Me | |
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| Educational Tools | |
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| What Is Abuse? | |
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| Profile of an Abuser | |
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| Cycle of Abuse | |
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| Chart of Coercion | |
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| Safety Planning | |
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| Additional Resources | |
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| Hotlines and Web Sites | |
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| Recommended Readings | |
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| Notes | |