But He'll Change End the Thinking That Keeps You in an Abusive Relationship

ISBN-10: 159285818X
ISBN-13: 9781592858187
Edition: 2010
Authors: Joanna V. Hunter
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Book details

List price: $14.95
Copyright year: 2010
Publisher: Hazelden
Publication date: 1/28/2010
Binding: Paperback
Pages: 248
Size: 8.00" wide x 9.00" long x 0.75" tall
Weight: 0.880
Language: English

Joanna V. Hunter is a popular speaker, volunteer, and trainer on domestic violence who works with victims and those who serve them. She is the author of But He'll Change: End the Thinking That Keeps You in an Abusive Relationship. Her work is informed by her experience as a survivor of abuse.

Editor's Note
Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction
My Story
Seeing Him as All-Powerful and the Center of My World
Yes, but �
I Love Him
I Miss Him (or I Need Him) and Can't Live without Him
He Is Everything to Me
It Will Hurt to Leave Him
I Have to Do What He Wants or He Won't Love Me
I Have to Do What He Wants Sexually or He Won't Love Me (or He'll Find Someone Else)
I Have to Tell Him Everywhere I Go and What I Do So He Can Reach Me or He Shows Up Unexpectedly Because He Loves Me
If I Try to Leave, He Will Kill Me or My Children
If I Divorce Him He Will Take My Children from Me or Will Have the Children Alone for Visitation
He Is a Good Provider
Denying and Minimizing His Behavior
Yes, but �
He's Not All Bad or He Has a Really Sweet and Wonderful Side
We Have Had Some Good Times
He Only Yells at Me Because He Loves Me
My Children Need Their Father
He Doesn't Hurt the Children
He Doesn't Mean to Hit Me
At Least He Doesn't Hit Me
He Doesn't Lie to Me
At Least I Don't Have It as Bad as Others
He Must Love Me-He Gets Jealous When I Talk to or Spend Time with Other People
He Must Love Me-He Wants to Be with Me All the Time
It Doesn't Matter That I Quit Doing Things I Enjoy or That He Made Me Quit My Job
It Doesn't Matter What Other People Think or My Friends and Family Don't Understand
It Doesn't Matter What Names He Calls Me
It Doesn't Matter That He Insults My Religion, Race, or Ethnicity
It Doesn't Matter That He Flirts with Other Women
It Doesn't Matter That He Withholds Affection When He's Angry
He's Learned His Lesson by My Leaving-Now We Can Get Back Together and Everything Will Be Okay
This Can't Be Happening-I Am Not One of "Those Women"
Sooner or Later, He'll See What He's Doing and Stop
Believing I Can Save Him
Yes, but
I Can Change Him
I Can Save Him
He Needs Me or He Can't Live without Me
I Have to Make This Work-I Don't Want to Be a Failure
I've Already Put So Much Energy into This Relationship That Would Go to Waste
I've Already Put So Much Energy into This Relationship-If I Leave, Someone Else Will Benefit from My Hard Work
Sacrificing My Self
Yes, but �
Lie Has Low Self-Esteem
I Don't Want to Hurt Him
Everyone Else in His Life Has Let Him Down-I Am All He Has
I Have to Stay or He Will Kill Himself
I Have to Forgive Him
I Must Stay, I Promised God
Blaming Myself for His Behavior-Believing I Deserve It
Yes, but �
If Only I Could Just Love Him Enough, He Would Change
If Only I Didn't Make Him Angry or Provoke Him
If Only I Were More Attractive/Thinner/Smarter/More Interesting/a Better Communicator/More Fun
I Made My Bed, Now I Have to Lie in It
I Never Do Anything Right-I Always Let Him Down/Disappoint Him/Say and Do the Wrong Thing/Blow It
Blaming Outside Forces for His Behavior
Yes, but �
If Only He Could Quit Drinking/Doing Drugs/Gambling/Having Affairs
If Only His Boss/Teacher/Coach Wouldn't Put Him Under So Much Stress
The Devil Made Him Do It
If Only My Family and Friends Would Treat Him Better or Be More Accepting and Accommodating
Accepting Male Privilege
Yes, but �
Men Should Make All the Decisions
Men Should Control All the Money and Property or Men Should Earn More Money Than Women
Men Have Fragile Egos
Men Don't Know How to Express Love or It's Just the Way Men Are
It's Okay for Him to Demand or Force Me to Have Sex
Giving Up on Myself
Yes, but�
I Have No Choice of There's No Way Out or There's Nothing I Can Do
No One Else Will Ever Love Me or This Is Better Than Being Alone
At Least I Know What to Expect
At Least I'm Having Sex
It's Too Late to Start Over or I Can't Make It on My Own
No One Cares about Me Anyway
I'm a Stupid, Worthless Nothing
I Am Embarrassed and Ashamed to Be in This Situation
I Have Nowhere and No One to Turn To
I Can't Find a Job or I Have No Skills
I Can't Care for My Children
If I Try to Do Something, It May Backfire and Make the Situation Worse
Someone Else Will See What He Is Doing and Save Me
Educational Tools
What Is Abuse?
Profile of an Abuser
Cycle of Abuse
Chart of Coercion
Safety Planning
Additional Resources
Hotlines and Web Sites
Recommended Readings
Notes

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