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| Introduction to the New Edition | |
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| Who this Book is for and How to Use it | |
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| Physical Abuse | |
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| Sexual Abuse | |
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| Emotional Abuse | |
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| Important Tools to Help You Understand Your Situation | |
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| How to Read this Book | |
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| Making the Decision to Leave or Stay | |
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| Social and Political Aspects of Abuse | |
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| The History of Battering | |
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| The Masculine Role | |
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| Why Do Men Batter? | |
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| The Female Role | |
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| Why Do Women Stay? | |
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| Why Do Men Stay? | |
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| What Can Be Done? | |
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| Marriage and the Family: New and Traditional Values | |
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| What is a Family? | |
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| The Family in Perspective | |
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| Who Are You Listening To? | |
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| What is Important to You? | |
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| Weighing the Pros and Cons | |
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| Is it Ever Right to Break Up the Family? | |
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| Where Do Your Guilt Feelings Come From? | |
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| Suicide and "Cracking Up" | |
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| What About the Children? | |
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| Child Abuse | |
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| What Do the Children Deserve? | |
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| What Do You Owe Yourself? | |
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| Are You Somebody Besides Wife, Mother, or Girlfriend? | |
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| Reading His Feelings, Reading Yours | |
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| "What if it's Really my Fault?" | |
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| What Do You Deserve? | |
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| Getting Respect in the Workplace (at Home and on the Job) | |
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| Understanding What You Both Deserve | |
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| "But I Still Love Him" | |
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| What Does Being in Love Mean? | |
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| Romantic Love | |
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| Addictive Love | |
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| Nurturing Love | |
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| Reasons for Leaving Someone You Love | |
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| Making the Decision | |
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| How Serious are You? | |
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| What's the Worst That Can Happen if You Leave? | |
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| What's the Worst That Can Happen if You Stay with the Man? | |
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| Balancing the Scales | |
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| Making a Commitment to Stay | |
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| Leaving to Protect Yourself | |
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| Preparing to Leave Permanently | |
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| Getting Professional Help | |
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| The Problem of Sexism | |
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| Emergency Help from Doctors, Police, and Prosecutors | |
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| Medical Help | |
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| Police Intervention | |
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| How to Get the most Effective Police Response | |
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| When Will Police Make an Arrest? | |
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| Cooperating with the Prosecutor | |
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| What the Prosecutor Can and Can't Do | |
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| Dealing with the Prosecutor | |
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| How Can You Keep the Batterer Away? | |
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| Making Legal Decisions | |
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| When Should you Hire a Lawyer? | |
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| Divorce | |
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| Child Custody | |
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| Property Division, Alimony, and Child Support | |
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| Costs and Benefits of Support from the Man | |
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| Other Legal Problems | |
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| Interviewing the Lawyer | |
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| Evaluating the Lawyer | |
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| Getting Help from a Counselor | |
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| What Do You Want from a Counselor? | |
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| Finding a Counselor | |
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| The First Counseling Session | |
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| The Special Case of a Sexist Counselor | |
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| Advantages of a Woman Counselor | |
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| How to Evaluate the Counselor | |
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| Helping Yourself to Survival | |
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| You Can be Your Own Counselor | |
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| Changing How You Talk to Yourself | |
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| What did You Do Right Today? | |
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| What are You Telling Yourself? | |
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| The Difference Between the General and the Specific | |
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| Evaluate Your Rules | |
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| A Courageous Act a Day | |
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| The Uses of Denial | |
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| Unconvering Your Fears | |
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| Redefine the Task | |
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| Take Credit for Each Courageous Act | |
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| Be Good to Yourself | |
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| Be Physically Self-Supportive | |
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| An End to Isolation | |
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| How Critical of Others are You? | |
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| Start with the People You Know | |
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| Meeting New People | |
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| Choosing Jobs, Classes, Organizations | |
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| Reaching Out | |
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| Risking the First Steps | |
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| Getting to Know People on the Job | |
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| Getting to Know People in Classes and Organizations | |
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| Moving from Acquaintances to Friends | |
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| How Much do You Confide in a New Friend? | |
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| Getting Help from the Family | |
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| After You Leave | |
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| The First Week | |
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| Staying in a Shelter for Battered Women | |
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| Staying with Friends or Relatives | |
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| Staying Alone | |
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| Groups for Abused Women | |
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| Contact with the Man Who Battered You | |
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| Coping with Fear | |
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| Loneliness | |
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| Protecting Yourself and the Children | |
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| Visitation | |
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| Contact with the Batterer | |
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| What You Can Do for the Children | |
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| Children's Reactions to Violence and Separation | |
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| The Practical Questions of Welfare and Housing | |
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| Welfare | |
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| Other Benefits | |
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| The Housing Search | |
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| Shared Housing | |
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| Questions for a Potential Housemate | |
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| The Economics of Single Life | |
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| Paid Employment | |
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| Getting Ahead on the Job | |
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| How to Budget Your Income and Expenses | |
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| Working from a Budget | |
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| Home Maintenance | |
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| Overcoming Financial Ignorance | |
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| Sexuality | |
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| Learning to Trust Your Experience | |
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| Sexuality Isn't Just Sex | |
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| Lesbianism | |
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| The New Romance | |
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| What Are You Looking for in a Partner? | |
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| What If You Keep Finding the Same Kind of Man? | |
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| Giving Up Control | |
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| Protecting Yourself | |
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| The Long Haul | |
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| Learning to Cope with Loneliness | |
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| You Make Your Own Life | |
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| What Can You Do Now? | |
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| The Ones Who Got Away | |
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| The Ones Who Got Away | |
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| Life with the Batterer | |
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| The Unexpected | |
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| The Good Outweights the Bad | |
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| Getting Through the Stressful Days | |
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| Help Comes from Unexpected Sources | |
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| Advice to Women in Abusive Relationships | |
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| Hindsight | |
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| Advice to You if You're Thinking of Going Back | |
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| Life is Better Now | |
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| Special Challenges | |
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| Emotional Abuse | |
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| Understanding the Chart of Coercion | |
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| Problems of Identifying Abuse | |
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| Identifying Emotional Abuse and Using Getting Free to Diminish It | |
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| Making Changes | |
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| Teen Abuse | |
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| How Common is Teenage Battering? | |
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| How to Tell if You're Abused | |
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| Who's Responsible for the Violence? | |
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| What to do if You're Hit | |
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| Ending the Relationship | |
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| How to Use Getting Free | |
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| What Can a Parent Do? | |
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| Lesbian Abuse | |
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| The Question of Who is Battering | |
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| The Nature of Lesbian Battering | |
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| How to Use Getting Free | |
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| Emergency Services | |
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| Ending Isolation | |
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| Immigrant Women: Challenges and Solutions | |
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| Advocates for Abused Immigrant Women | |
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| Assessing Danger | |
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| Safety Plan for Staying or Leaving | |
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| To Call the Police or Not | |
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| When the Police Don't Come: Planning an Emergency Escape | |
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| Divorce of Separation from Your Partner: Immigration Status | |
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| People's Ideas and Actions Change | |
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| Life in the United States | |
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| Religious Challenges | |
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| Are You Abused? | |
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| Politics and Culture: Religious Interpretations | |
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| Consultations: Religious and Domestic-Violence Authorities | |
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| Sex Abuse | |
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| Divorce | |
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| The Urge to Forgive | |
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| Communities Protect Victims and Hold Offenders Responsible | |
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| Stopping the Cycle of Abuse | |
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| Men Who Batter: Can They Change? | |
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| Why Does He Do It? | |
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| Entitlement and Control | |
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| Is Change Possible? | |
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| Do Programs Work? | |
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| How to tell if the Program is Working for Your Partner | |
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| Nurturing Your Children: Safety and Resilience | |
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| Safety Whether You Leave or Stay | |
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| Children's Visits with Their Father | |
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| How Violence Affects Children | |
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| Helping Children Who Have Witnessed Violence | |
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| Moving Forward: What Communities Can Do | |
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| Danger If You Stay, Danger If You Leave: The Statistics | |
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| Bad News Gives Birth to a Movement Against Battering | |
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| Medical Costs | |
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| Child-Protection Costs | |
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| Costs to Business | |
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| Moving Forward | |
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| Resources | |
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| Notes | |
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| Suggested Reading | |
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| Internet Resources | |
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| Tips and Wheels | |
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| Index | |