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| Acknowledgments | |
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| Foreword | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Great relationships don't just happen; they are created | |
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| Vulnerability is disarming | |
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| If your job gets your best energy, your marriage will wither | |
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| One of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is your own happiness | |
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| There's a difference between judging and being judgmental | |
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| It's possible to hate and love someone at the same time | |
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| When you complain about your partner to your friends, remember that their feedback is based upon distorted information | |
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| The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree | |
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| Commitment isn't a prison; it's a means to greater freedom | |
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| It isn't conflict that destroys marriages; it's the cold, smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding | |
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| If you choose monogamy, keep your agreement | |
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| It's not what you've got; it's what you do with it | |
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| Even good marriages have recurring seasons, and there can be some hard winters | |
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| Your primary relationship is with your partner, not your children | |
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| If you think you're too good for your partner, think again | |
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| Growing up in a happy family doesn't ensure a good marriage, and growing up in an unhappy family doesn't preclude having one | |
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| It's never too late to repair damaged trust | |
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| Secrets are lies | |
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| Sex can improve with age | |
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| If you're keeping pace with the people around you, you're probably moving too fast | |
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| If you can't be happy without your partner, you won't be happy together | |
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| Marriage is like yoga | |
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| The prince isn't going to come | |
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| Getting help when you are unable to work things out isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of intelligence | |
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| One person, no matter how much they love you, cannot meet all of your emotional needs | |
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| Love isn't always enough to sustain a marriage | |
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| True intimacy can exist only between equals | |
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| The real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about | |
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| Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring | |
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| Expectations set us up for resentment | |
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| Arguments can't be avoided, but destructive ones can | |
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| One of the greatest gifts we can give our partner is our focused attention | |
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| Even people with great marriages sometimes wonder whether they might have married the wrong person | |
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| Your partner cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you to rescue yourself | |
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| The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it | |
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| Even the best marriages have irreconcilable differences | |
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| Your opinion is not the truth | |
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| Vacations are necessities, not luxuries | |
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| Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy | |
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| Ultimatums and threats do more harm than good | |
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| Guilt-tripping won't get you what you really want | |
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| Give what you want to receive | |
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| Don't neglect your friends just because you've acquired a spouse | |
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| If you think, "You're not the person I married," you're probably right | |
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| Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points | |
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| What you judge in your partner is a reflection of what you judge in yourself | |
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| Your partner is your teacher and your student | |
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| Commitment is not a one-time event; it's an ongoing process | |
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| Generosity of spirit is the foundation of great relationships | |
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| If your partner is being defensive, you may be giving them reason to be | |
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| Marriage isn't 50/50; it's 100/100 | |
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| Trust can be rebuilt, even after a painful betrayal, but it may require hard work | |
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| You can pay now or you can pay later, but the later you pay, the more penalties and interest you accrue | |
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| The cheap thrill you get from putting down your partner isn't so cheap | |
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| Marriage does require sacrifice, but what you stand to gain is infinitely greater than what you give up | |
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| Good sex doesn't necessarily make a marriage great, but it sure helps | |
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| Forgiveness isn't a one-time event; it's a process | |
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| Even the tiniest spark can reignite the fire of love | |
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| If you find out what your partner wants and help them get it, you'll both be happier | |
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| Marriage alone does not make you a better person, but accepting its challenges does | |
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| Creating a great marriage generally takes more time and effort than it seems it should | |
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| Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight | |
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| Being attracted to someone else doesn't diminish the quality of your marriage; acting on that attraction does | |
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| A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than what you experienced in the past | |
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| In order for it to thrive, love requires separateness as well as togetherness | |
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| We all have a terminal diagnosis | |
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| Don't keep feelings of gratitude to yourself | |
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| Knowing where your lines are and being willing to draw them serves your partner as well as yourself | |
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| You don't have to be able to love well to get married; the training occurs on the job | |
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| Privacy won't hurt your marriage, but secrecy will | |
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| Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love | |
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| Facing your fears builds strength; avoiding them diminishes it | |
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| Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming | |
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| Don't say anything about your partner that you're not willing to say to them | |
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| Your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength | |
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| Of all of the benefits of marriage, the greatest is the possibility of using this relationship to become a more loving person | |
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| If your partner thinks something is important, it is! | |
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| Marriages never outgrow the need for romance | |
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| The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary | |
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| There is violence in silence when it's used as a weapon | |
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| There's a difference between sex and intimacy | |
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| It's better to focus on what you can do to make things right than on what your partner did to make things wrong | |
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| The fire of infatuation has to cool before mature love can develop | |
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| Nothing deadens sexual desire faster than unresolved differences | |
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| The biggest risk is in not risking | |
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| If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce | |
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| Forgiveness is its own reward | |
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| Revenge is its own punishment | |
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| When two hearts are connected, the biggest problems become workable; when they are not, the smallest difficulties seem insurmountable | |
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| Constructive criticism generally isn't | |
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| The capacity to feel joy grows in proportion to the capacity to experience pain | |
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| There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening | |
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| External conflicts are often outer expressions of internal ones | |
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| One of the greatest questions you can ask your partner is, "How may I best love you?" | |
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| There's more to be gained by understanding your partner's world than trying to get them to understand yours | |
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| A loving marriage can heal old emotional wounds more effectively than the best therapy | |
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| Just keep talkin' | |
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| Assumptions are fine, as long as you check them out before acting on them | |
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| Marriages can stay fresh over time | |
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| Intention may not be the only thing, but it's the most important thing | |
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| The amount of joy and fulfillment available in a loving partnership is considerably more than you can imagine | |
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| About the Authors | |
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| Contact Us | |