101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married Simple Lessons to Make Love Last

ISBN-10: 1577314247
ISBN-13: 9781577314240
Edition: 2004
List price: $14.95 Buy it from $3.00
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Book details

List price: $14.95
Copyright year: 2004
Publisher: New World Library
Publication date: 1/8/2004
Binding: Paperback
Pages: 256
Size: 5.25" wide x 8.00" long x 0.75" tall
Weight: 1.034
Language: English

A professor of counseling for 21 years in the school of education at the University of Colorado, Gay Hendricks earned his doctorate degree from Stanford University in 1974. Originally trained as a traditional psychologist, a life-altering experience caused Hendricks to rethink his approach to healing patients. Adopting a body-mind integration theory, Hendricks opened the Hendricks Institute to teach people core skills for conscious living. Hendricks is the author of over 20 books in the field of education, transpersonal psychology, and centering, including Conscious Breathing, The Centering Book, Learning to Love Yourself, and At the Speed of Life. His work has also been mentioned or reviewed in numerous magazines and newspapers, including Self, GQ, Psychology Today, Yoga Journal, USA Today, and the Edmonton Journal.

Acknowledgments
Foreword
Introduction
Great relationships don't just happen; they are created
Vulnerability is disarming
If your job gets your best energy, your marriage will wither
One of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is your own happiness
There's a difference between judging and being judgmental
It's possible to hate and love someone at the same time
When you complain about your partner to your friends, remember that their feedback is based upon distorted information
The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree
Commitment isn't a prison; it's a means to greater freedom
It isn't conflict that destroys marriages; it's the cold, smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding
If you choose monogamy, keep your agreement
It's not what you've got; it's what you do with it
Even good marriages have recurring seasons, and there can be some hard winters
Your primary relationship is with your partner, not your children
If you think you're too good for your partner, think again
Growing up in a happy family doesn't ensure a good marriage, and growing up in an unhappy family doesn't preclude having one
It's never too late to repair damaged trust
Secrets are lies
Sex can improve with age
If you're keeping pace with the people around you, you're probably moving too fast
If you can't be happy without your partner, you won't be happy together
Marriage is like yoga
The prince isn't going to come
Getting help when you are unable to work things out isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of intelligence
One person, no matter how much they love you, cannot meet all of your emotional needs
Love isn't always enough to sustain a marriage
True intimacy can exist only between equals
The real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about
Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring
Expectations set us up for resentment
Arguments can't be avoided, but destructive ones can
One of the greatest gifts we can give our partner is our focused attention
Even people with great marriages sometimes wonder whether they might have married the wrong person
Your partner cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you to rescue yourself
The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it
Even the best marriages have irreconcilable differences
Your opinion is not the truth
Vacations are necessities, not luxuries
Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy
Ultimatums and threats do more harm than good
Guilt-tripping won't get you what you really want
Give what you want to receive
Don't neglect your friends just because you've acquired a spouse
If you think, "You're not the person I married," you're probably right
Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points
What you judge in your partner is a reflection of what you judge in yourself
Your partner is your teacher and your student
Commitment is not a one-time event; it's an ongoing process
Generosity of spirit is the foundation of great relationships
If your partner is being defensive, you may be giving them reason to be
Marriage isn't 50/50; it's 100/100
Trust can be rebuilt, even after a painful betrayal, but it may require hard work
You can pay now or you can pay later, but the later you pay, the more penalties and interest you accrue
The cheap thrill you get from putting down your partner isn't so cheap
Marriage does require sacrifice, but what you stand to gain is infinitely greater than what you give up
Good sex doesn't necessarily make a marriage great, but it sure helps
Forgiveness isn't a one-time event; it's a process
Even the tiniest spark can reignite the fire of love
If you find out what your partner wants and help them get it, you'll both be happier
Marriage alone does not make you a better person, but accepting its challenges does
Creating a great marriage generally takes more time and effort than it seems it should
Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight
Being attracted to someone else doesn't diminish the quality of your marriage; acting on that attraction does
A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than what you experienced in the past
In order for it to thrive, love requires separateness as well as togetherness
We all have a terminal diagnosis
Don't keep feelings of gratitude to yourself
Knowing where your lines are and being willing to draw them serves your partner as well as yourself
You don't have to be able to love well to get married; the training occurs on the job
Privacy won't hurt your marriage, but secrecy will
Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love
Facing your fears builds strength; avoiding them diminishes it
Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming
Don't say anything about your partner that you're not willing to say to them
Your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength
Of all of the benefits of marriage, the greatest is the possibility of using this relationship to become a more loving person
If your partner thinks something is important, it is!
Marriages never outgrow the need for romance
The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary
There is violence in silence when it's used as a weapon
There's a difference between sex and intimacy
It's better to focus on what you can do to make things right than on what your partner did to make things wrong
The fire of infatuation has to cool before mature love can develop
Nothing deadens sexual desire faster than unresolved differences
The biggest risk is in not risking
If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce
Forgiveness is its own reward
Revenge is its own punishment
When two hearts are connected, the biggest problems become workable; when they are not, the smallest difficulties seem insurmountable
Constructive criticism generally isn't
The capacity to feel joy grows in proportion to the capacity to experience pain
There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening
External conflicts are often outer expressions of internal ones
One of the greatest questions you can ask your partner is, "How may I best love you?"
There's more to be gained by understanding your partner's world than trying to get them to understand yours
A loving marriage can heal old emotional wounds more effectively than the best therapy
Just keep talkin'
Assumptions are fine, as long as you check them out before acting on them
Marriages can stay fresh over time
Intention may not be the only thing, but it's the most important thing
The amount of joy and fulfillment available in a loving partnership is considerably more than you can imagine
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