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Keeping the Love You Find A Personal Guide

ISBN-10: 0671734202
ISBN-13: 9780671734206
Edition: 1993 (Reprint)
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Description: Your dreams of finding a loving and truly compatible partner spring from the healthiest and most fully human aspects of your nature--and the fulfillment of your dreams is completely achievable. Whatever your history, whatever your heartbreak, as a  More...

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Book details

List price: $17.00
Copyright year: 1993
Publisher: Atria Books
Publication date: 2/1/1993
Binding: Paperback
Pages: 352
Size: 5.50" wide x 8.25" long x 1.00" tall
Weight: 0.924
Language: English

Your dreams of finding a loving and truly compatible partner spring from the healthiest and most fully human aspects of your nature--and the fulfillment of your dreams is completely achievable. Whatever your history, whatever your heartbreak, as a single person you are in an ideal position to learn what you need to know and what you can do to greatly improve your chances for finding, and keeping, love. Book jacket.

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., has more than thirty-five years of experience as an educator and therapist. He specializes in working with couples in private practice, teaching marital therapy to therapists, and conducting couples workshops across the country. Dr. Hendrix is the co-founder with his wife, Helen Lakelly Hunt, and president of the Institute for Imago Relationship Therapy, based in Winter Park, Florida.

Special Acknowledgment to Laura Torbet
Acknowledgments
Introduction
A Personal Note ... How the Book Works
Being Human, Being Single
What's Wrong with Being Single?
Singledom: A Neglected Rite of Passage
Redefining Singleness
A Better Way
It's Never Too Late to Be Single
Forever Single
We've Gotta Have It
The Problem with Singles
Finding a Love to Keep
Your Mission: Be Prepared
Forget the Mating Game!
What's Really Going on in Your Relationships?
What's Really Going On in Relationships?
Enter the Unconscious
The Imago: Our Ghost Partner
The Price of Ignorance
Doing It Differently
Exercise: Self-Knowledge Inventory
Learning from Past Relationships
Exercise: Imago Preview
Exercise: Relationship Frustrations
Exercise: Your Unconscious Relationship
The Human Journey
The Cosmic Journey: Yearning for Connection
Clues to Our Connectedness
We Want It Back
The Evolutionary Journey: Yearning for Aliveness
New Mind, Old Brain
The Basic Drives: Safety First
Expressing Full Aliveness
In Quest of Full Aliveness
We Can't Do It Alone
Commitment to Wholeness
The Imago Puzzle I: Childhood Nurturing
Growing Pains: Uncovering the Wounds of Childhood
The Lifelong Pursuit of Wholeness
Becoming a Detective
Different Strokes: Nature vs. Nurture
The Stages of Development: Finding the Weak Link
The Adult Child: Why Is It Important to Know Where We Got Stuck?
Attachment and Exploration: Getting Securely Connected
Attachment: The Struggle to Exist
Adapting to Deficit Nurturing: Coping Mechanisms
The Clinging Child: Fear of Abandonment
The Adult: A Clinger
The Detached Child: Fear of Rejection
The Adult: An Avoider
Interlude: The Minimizer and the Maximizer
Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Attachment Stage?
Exploration: Love Affair with the World
The Distancing Child: Fear of Absorption
The Adult: An Isolator
The Ambivalent Child: Fear of Loss
The Adult: A Pursuer
Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Exploration Stage?
Identity and Competence: Becoming a Self
Identity: "This Is Me"
The Rigid Child: Fear of Being Shamed
The Adult: A Rigid Controller
The Invisible Child: Fear of Being a Self
The Adult: A Compliant Diffuser
Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Identity Stage?
Competence: "I Can Do It"
The Competitive Child: Fear of Failure/Disapproval
The Adult: A Compulsive Competitor
The Helpless/Manipulative Child: Fear of Aggressiveness/Success
The Adult: A Manipulative Compromiser
Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Stage of Competence?
Concern and Intimacy: Moving Out Into the World
Concern: "I Belong"
The Lonely Child: Fear of Others/Ostracism
The Adult: A Loner
The Gregarious Child: Fear of Neediness/Being Alone
The Adult: A Sacrificing Caretaker
Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Stage of Concern?
Intimacy: "I Can Be Close and Loving"
The Rebellious Child: Fear of Being Controlled
The Adult: A Rebel
The Model Child: Fear of Being Different
The Adult: A Conformist
Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Intimacy Stage?
Exercise: Am I a Minimizer or a Maximizer?
Exercise: Identifying the Wounded Child in the Adult
Traumatized Relationships: Legacy of the Dysfunctional Family
A Matter of Degree
It's All Trauma
Shell-Shocked Children
Why Are Only Some Children Affected?
Unexperienced Experience
All Loss Is Abusive
Emotional Abuse
Who's to Blame?
Is the Child at Fault?
Are You from a Dysfunctional Family?
How Can I Break the Pattern?
The Imago Puzzle II: Childhood Socialization
"For Your Own Good": the Messages of Socialization
Society's Child
The Price of Socialization
Shutting Down the Energetic Core
Getting the Message
The Model Marriage
Bullied by Our Beliefs
The Crybaby and the Bitch
Thinking
Feeling
Acting
Sensing
Local Custom
The Whole Self: Missing in Action
Exercise: Your Parents' Marriage
Exercise: What Do I Believe?
Recovering the Missing Self: Love's Agenda
The Hidden Self
The Lost Self
The Denied Self
The False Self: Filling in the Gaps
Is Anybody Home?
Mutilated, but Alive
Falling in Love: What's Lost Is Found
Awakening the Sleeping Beast
Owning the Missing Self
Facing the Truth
Putting Ourselves Back Together
The Big Picture
Exercise: Your Hidden Self
Exercise: Your Lost Self
Exercise: Your Denied Self
Gender and Sexuality: Making Love, not War
"All You Do is Complain"
Rumbling in the Psyche: The Emerging Feminine
Vive la Difference
Physical Differences
Developmental Differences
Hormones and the Brain
Is Culture the Culprit?
Playing Our Roles, Losing Our Selves
Owning Your Contrasexual Self: Swimming against the Tide
Your Partner Is Not You!
Dialogue Is All We Can Have
Developing the "Other" in You
Sharing the Caring
Moving Toward Androgyny
Sexuality: Me Tarzan, You Jane
The Sex-Love Trade-off
Reclaiming Sexual Pleasure
Exercise: Your Gender Energy Balance
Exercise: Your Sexual Self
The Journey of Partnership
The Imago: Recipe for Romance
The Imago: Distillation of Childhood Experience
How Does the Imago Work in Partner Choice?
The Illusion of Love
The Language of Love
The Benefits of Illusion
Love: Nature's Anesthesia
There Is No Love in Romance
Why Is It Important to Understand, and to Modify, the Imago?
Unmasking the Imago
Exercise: Unmasking the Imago
Exercise: Childhood Frustrations
Exercise: Your Unconscious Childhood Agenda
Partnership: the Journey to Consciousness
The Unconscious Relationship
When Romance Dies: The Trajectory of the Unconscious Relationship
This Too Shall Pass
David and Sarah
The Denouement of the Power Struggle
Breaking the Impasse: The End of Bargaining
Becoming Conscious: A Turning Point on the Journey
Owning Our Projections
Commitment to Healing
The Conscious Marriage
Characteristics of a Conscious Relationship
Becoming a Conscious Single
From Insight to Integration: Basic Strategies for Change
Start Now
What's the Rush?
Waking Up Is Hard to Do
Surrendering to Change
Self-Hatred: The Stumbling Block
Creating an Environment for Change
The Benefits of Group Therapy
Utilitarian Dating
When You Fall in Love
"My, How You've Changed!"
New Skills, New Behavior: Steps to Self-Integration
Exercise: My Wholeness Agenda
Exercise: Creating a Safe Haven
Recovering Your Aliveness
Exercise: Your Aliveness Quotient
Exercise: Sources of Aliveness
Exercise: Enlivening Activities
Exercise: My Enlivenment Agenda
Exercise: Owning and Changing Negative Behaviors
Exercise: The Art of Intentional Dialogue
Exercise: Holding Projections
Exercise: Behavior Change Requests
Real Love: Paradise Regained
Safety First
No Strings Attached
Good Intentions
Nature's Grand Design
Notes
Bibliography
Index
About the Author
The Institute for Relationship Training

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