Introduction | p. xi |
Nuts and Bolts: Understanding Why Mediation Works | p. 1 |
Where Mediation Came From | p. 2 |
The Basics of Mediation | p. 2 |
How Mediation Works | p. 4 |
What Mediation Resolves | p. 5 |
Who Are Mediators? | p. 6 |
What Mediation Costs | p. 7 |
Important Aspects of Mediation | p. 7 |
Long-Term Effects | p. 9 |
How Mediation Differs from Other Alternative Dispute-Resolution Processes | p. 12 |
Types of Mediation | p. 14 |
Understanding Limitations | p. 20 |
The Mediation Mind-Set | p. 20 |
Giving It a Try: Saying Yes to Mediation | p. 23 |
Are You a Good Candidate for Mediation? | p. 24 |
Are You Ready to Mediate? | p. 26 |
Assessing Your Negotiation Skills | p. 27 |
Overcoming Your Fears About Mediation | p. 29 |
Talking to Your Spouse About Mediation | p. 30 |
How Mediation Will Affect You | p. 33 |
The Perfect Match: Choosing a Mediator | p. 37 |
Types of Mediators | p. 38 |
How to Find a Mediator | p. 39 |
Choosing a Mediation Approach | p. 40 |
Mediator Credentials | p. 40 |
Mediator Standards | p. 41 |
Affording Mediation | p. 45 |
Your Rights and Responsibilities | p. 47 |
Agreement to Mediate | p. 48 |
Mediation Methods | p. 49 |
Red Flags | p. 52 |
Expert Advice: Other Professionals Involved in Mediation | p. 55 |
Attorneys | p. 56 |
Therapists | p. 59 |
Financial Advisors | p. 60 |
Appraisers | p. 61 |
Custody Evaluators | p. 62 |
Law Guardians or Guardians ad Litem | p. 62 |
On the Starting Blocks: Beginning Mediation | p. 65 |
Setting Up a Schedule | p. 66 |
Mind-Set | p. 66 |
Ground Rules | p. 67 |
Immediate Decisions | p. 68 |
Other Decisions | p. 70 |
Coping with Emotions | p. 70 |
Developing a Good Relationship with Your Mediator | p. 71 |
Improving Your Communication Skills | p. 72 |
Using Mediation to Solve Problems | p. 74 |
Agreements | p. 74 |
Mediation Checklist | p. 75 |
Organizing Your Documents | p. 79 |
Parental Guidance: Choosing a Parenting Plan | p. 81 |
What Is a Parenting Plan? | p. 83 |
Continuing Your Parenting Relationship | p. 83 |
Understanding Legal Terms | p. 84 |
How to Make Parenting Plan Decisions | p. 86 |
Creating a Schedule | p. 88 |
Involving Your Child | p. 92 |
Other Decisions | p. 94 |
Keeping Parenting Separate | p. 95 |
Focusing on Details | p. 95 |
Frozen Embryos | p. 97 |
Money Talks: Mediating Child Support and Alimony | p. 99 |
Alimony | p. 100 |
Health Insurance and Other Expenses | p. 105 |
Child Support | p. 106 |
Long Division: Mediating Property Settlements | p. 113 |
Getting All the Information | p. 114 |
Understanding the Law | p. 115 |
Thinking About Property Settlements | p. 115 |
Understanding Separate Property | p. 117 |
Property Division Laws | p. 118 |
Listing Assets and Debts | p. 118 |
Thinking About What You Want | p. 120 |
Property Settlement Approaches | p. 120 |
Dividing Large Assets | p. 123 |
Dividing Debts | p. 125 |
Dividing Household and Personal Items | p. 125 |
Bumps in the Road: Solving Mediation Problems | p. 127 |
Problem: There Is a Lack of Communication | p. 128 |
Problem: There Has Not Been Complete Financial Disclosure | p. 129 |
Problem: You and Your Spouse Can't Agree on the Facts When It Comes to Money | p. 130 |
Problem: You Can't Seem to Get Anywhere | p. 131 |
Problem: Your Overall Agreement Somehow Seems Unbalanced | p. 132 |
Problem: Your Spouse Is Not Cooperating | p. 133 |
Problem: You Decide You Don't Like Your Mediator | p. 134 |
Problem: You Don't Want to Do the Homework | p. 135 |
Problem: You Have No Idea What Is Reasonable | p. 135 |
Problem: You Encounter a Big Problem Outside of a Mediation Session | p. 136 |
Problem: You Reached an Agreement, but One of You Broke It | p. 137 |
Problem: Your Spouse Makes Last-Minute Changes or Demands | p. 138 |
Problem: You Just Feel Uneasy About Mediation | p. 139 |
Problem: You Can't Stand Up for Yourself | p. 140 |
Problem: You Just Don't Know What You Want | p. 141 |
Ending Mediation | p. 142 |
Closing the Book: Finalizing Your Divorce | p. 143 |
Formally Ending Your Marriage | p. 144 |
Reviewing Your Final Written Agreement in Mediation | p. 147 |
Consulting with Your Attorney | p. 151 |
Court Procedure | p. 152 |
Obtaining Closure | p. 152 |
Facing the Future: Dealing with Problems After Divorce | p. 157 |
Rules for the Future | p. 158 |
Mediating Postdivorce Conflict on Your Own | p. 159 |
Mediating After Divorce | p. 161 |
Variations on a Theme: Mediation in Other Family Situations | p. 165 |
Mediation for the First Time After Divorce | p. 166 |
Mediation for Life Partners | p. 166 |
Mediation with a Parent Who Was Not Your Partner | p. 167 |
Mediation with a New Partner | p. 168 |
Sample Agreement to Mediate | p. 169 |
Resources | p. 175 |
Index | p. 199 |
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