Playing Well with Others Your Field Guide to Discovering, Navigating and Exploring the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities

ISBN-10: 0937609587

ISBN-13: 9780937609583

Edition: 2012

Authors: Lee Harrington, Mollena Williams

List price: $19.95 Buy it from $16.82
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Whether you're a trembling novice or a jaded expert, there's always something new to be discovered in the endlessly changing, complex and titillating world of kink. While there are plenty of other books out there that explain how to give a spanking or tie a half-hitch, Playing Well With Others is the first book that explains kink *culture* -- the munches, parties, leather bars, conferences, workshops, fetish nights, exploratoriums and all the other gatherings of kinksters that turn BDSM and leather from a bedroom predilection to a lifestyle and a community. You'll learn to:* Examine your own motivations, needs, wants and desires* Ease your way into established communities* Understand etiquette in different adventurous sex communities* Familiarize yourself with the many types of events available to you* Care for your relationships as you explore new territory* Negotiate for play and aftercare* Go back to the "world at large” without ruffling feathers* …and, of course, answer the all-important question: What do you wear?!The team of Harrington and Williams offers 30-plus years of experience in diverse kink communities: top, bottom and switch; gay, bi and straight; female, male and trans; white and POC. Both former titleholders and international educators, they are an unbeatable pair of "sexual sherpas" with an inimitable voice and a great deal of wisdom. Playing Well With Others is an unprecedented and essential guidebook for anyone who wants to explore or understand the "community" aspect of the kink lifestyle.
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Book details

List price: $19.95
Copyright year: 2012
Publisher: Greenery Press
Publication date: 9/1/2012
Binding: Paperback
Pages: 314
Size: 5.75" wide x 9.00" long x 0.50" tall
Weight: 0.946
Language: English

Lee Harrington’s series “Rex and the City,” has been appearing in The Bark magazine since 2000. She lives in New York City with her second dog, Chlotilde. From the Hardcover edition.

A founding member of San Francisco's Crowded Fire Theater Company, Mo is the author of several solo shows, including the critically acclaimed "69Stories: One Pervert's Tale.”A proud leatherwoman, performer, BDSM educator, fat fetish model and Executive Pervert, she is extremely honored to have served as Ms. San Francisco Leather 2009 and International Ms Leather 2010. Mo blogs on The Perverted Negress at

Welcome to the Jungle: Your First Steps Into Adventure
Kink? What Is This Kink Thing?
Who Is Into Kink?
Why Are People Into Kink?
Why Join the Community?
Choose Your Own Adventure
Does This Flogger Make My Ass Look Fat?: Kink Etiquette, Kink Culture
A Gathering of Tribes vs. a Monolithic "Community,"
Dispelling a Few Myths
Myths Within the Community
Courtesy and Respect
Personal Responsibility
Check Your Assumptions
Language, Names and Social Styles
Maintaining Privacy: Yours and Mine
So Many Choices! Events, Groups and Gatherings
Which Event Is Right for You?
Can/Should You Join This Group?
Finding Events
Types of Events
Munches, Brunches &: Meetups
Fetish/Club Nights and Dance Parties
Leather Bars and Kink Cafes
Fetish Balls and Performance-Based Events
Private/ House Parties
Exploratoriums, Samplers & Tastings
Local Classes &. Education
Public Dungeons, SM Clubs and Play Spaces
Private Dungeons, SM Clubs and Play Spaces
Fetish Nights at Swinger Clubs/Bathhouses
Club Operations, Boards & Meetings
The Big Hotel Event
Kinky Camping, Runs and Retreats
Shopping and Swap Meets
Pride Parades and Street Festivals
Leather Contests and Title Competitions
Intensive Education
Leadership Conferences and Alternative Academia
When Kink is Just a Slice
Faith and Spirituality Gatherings
Virtual Communities and Gatherings
Other Major Categories of Events
…And Even More?
The Pre-Game Plan: Planning, Budgeting, Packing and Getting There
Packing Your Bags!
Getting There
Male New Friends (and Keep the Old): Keeping It Hot without Burning Bridges
Preparing For Successful Networking
In-Person Connections
Managing Your Virtual Self
Lasting Connections
But It Followed Me Home!: Pre-Event Negotiation And Planning
Setting Frameworks Before You Go
Pre-Event Preparation
Prep For Relationships
Styles of Partnered Attendance
Communication Systems
Involving Other People
Find Your Systems and Stick By Them
Unicorns, Trolls and Other Creatures: Behavior Awareness in Kink Communities
Mythical Creatures Are Mythical
Emotional Traps
Physical Pitfalls
Social Snares
People Are People, Everywhere
Oh the Places You'll Go!: Dungeons, Play Spaces and Erotic Arenas
Understanding the Space
Laws of the Land
Dungeon Dos and Don'ts
Wanna Do Some Stuff?: Negotiating For Play
Who To Negotiate With
What And Why To Negotiate
Setting Play Dates
Even Perverts Get The Blues: Staying Healthy (and Happy) at Events
Managing Needs, Wants and Desires
Con Drop and Con Crud
Refraining "Negative" Experiences
Transitioning with Grace: Back In the Default World
Real World? Fantasy World?
Transition Tools and Techniques
Who to Tell, What to Tell
Honoring Your Journey
Kink Lingo Glossary
Kink Flags and Symbols
Better Know Your Hanky Code
Negotiation Tools
Before We Play
Before We Play Questionnaire
Before we Play Checklist and Extended Questionnaire
Further Resources
Non-Fiction Books
Websites and Social Media
Sources of Kinky Inspiration
Out To Your Doctor?: Talking To Health Care Professionals, by Barak, RN
Understanding STDs and STIs: Sexual Expression and Infection Control, by Scotty Thomson
Sex, Gender, Identity, Orientation and Behavior, by Aiden Fyre and Lee Harrington
Relationships Beyond Labels: Some Terminology You May Encounter, and What It May (Or May Not) Mean, By Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
SM vs. Abuse, by Jay Wiseman
Is it a Cult?: The Advanced Bonewits' Cult Danger Evaluation Frame (version 2.6), by Isaac Bonewits
Pocket Reference to Dealing With Law Enforcement, provided by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom Law Enforcement Outreach Program,
About the Authors
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