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| Acknowledgments | |
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| Preface | |
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| ...from Lynn Dickinson | |
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| ...from Xenia Vosen | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Why We Wrote This Book | |
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| Who This Book Is For | |
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| How to Read This Book | |
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| Making the Long-Term-Care Decision | |
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| Stepping into New Territory | |
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| Why We Feel So Bad about Nursing Homes | |
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| What We Mean When We Say "Nursing Home" | |
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| What We Mean When We Say "You" | |
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| Some Assumptions | |
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| The Phone Call That Will Change Your Life | |
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| Here Come the Changes! | |
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| Making Friends with Change | |
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| Exercise: Determining Your Personal Change-Related Stress Level | |
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| It's Bigger than We Are: Changes in Society That Have Affected Aging and Culture | |
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| Why Things Are Different for Our Generation | |
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| Comparison: Then and Now | |
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| Past Ways of Caring | |
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| Coping with Longevity | |
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| Improvements in Living Conditions | |
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| What Long-Term Care Really Looks Like | |
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| The Home-Care Instinct | |
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| Home Care as a First Impulse | |
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| What Does "Home" Mean? | |
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| Exercise: What Does "Home" Mean? | |
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| Your Loved One's Condition | |
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| Your Energy Level | |
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| The Need for Community | |
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| The Economics of Home Care | |
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| Serving Others Versus Serving Yourself: Finding the Balance | |
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| A Note about Senior Day Care | |
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| Exercise: Are You Ready for Home Care? | |
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| Maybe We'll Just Give It a Try... | |
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| Your Feelings Matter More than You May Think | |
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| Your Feelings Determine Your Experience | |
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| The Nature of Emotions | |
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| What You May Be Feeling about the Nursing Home Decision | |
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| Emotional Soup | |
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| Exercise: Understanding Your Mix of Emotions | |
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| You've Decided ... Now What? | |
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| Finding the Right Nursing Home | |
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| A Change in Abilities Calls for a Change in Living Arrangements | |
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| Different Kinds of Long-Term-Care Facilities | |
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| What Kind of Care Does My Parent Need? | |
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| Beginning the Search | |
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| Location: Finding Nursing Homes in Your (or Your Parent's) Area | |
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| Size of the Nursing Home | |
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| Who Owns the Nursing Home? | |
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| Paying for the Nursing Home | |
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| Facilities and Services | |
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| The Nursing Home Staff | |
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| Your First Visit | |
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| Facility Checklist | |
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| Taking Your Parent with You when You Visit | |
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| Waiting Lists | |
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| Once You've Found a Facility You Like | |
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| Talking It Over with Your Parent | |
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| Preparing Clothing and Other Possessions | |
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| Keeping Your Parent's House or Apartment | |
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| Moving In and Feeling at Home Are Two Different Things | |
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| The First Day | |
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| Making the Most of Life in a Nursing Home | |
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| A Day in the Life of a Nursing Home | |
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| What Around-the-Clock Care Looks Like | |
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| A Day in the Life of a Nursing Home Aide | |
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| A Day in the Life of Some Nursing Home Residents | |
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| A Day in the Life of a Nursing Home Director | |
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| Staying in Touch with Your Loved One Who Lives in a Nursing Home | |
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| When to Visit | |
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| How Often to Visit | |
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| How Long to Visit | |
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| How Many People to Take when You Visit | |
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| What to Do During Your Visit | |
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| You Know More than You Think You Do | |
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| Special Activities for Staying in Touch | |
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| How to Celebrate the Holidays when Your Parent Lives in a Nursing Home | |
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| Managing Common Conflicts in a Nursing Home | |
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| Conflicts Between Residents and Family Members | |
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| Conflicts Between Residents (or, the Battle of the Wheelchairs) | |
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| Conflicts Between Residents and Staff | |
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| Conflicts Between Family Members and Staff | |
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| Conflicts Between Family Members Other than the Resident | |
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| Conflicts Within Yourself | |
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| Working with the Nursing Home Staff | |
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| Communication in General | |
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| Showing Your Appreciation | |
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| Offering Critical Feedback | |
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| Can't Get No Satisfaction: What to Do when You Have a Complaint | |
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| Other Important Things to Know | |
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| Dehydration | |
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| Addictions | |
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| Dementia | |
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| Sexuality | |
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| Laundry Complaints (or, Nobody Is Stealing Your Mother's Underwear) | |
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| Money | |
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| Housekeeping | |
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| The Use of Restraints | |
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| Changing Institutions | |
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| Saying Goodbye: Leaving the Nursing Home | |
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| Special Goodbyes | |
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| In Conclusion | |
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| Recommended Reading | |
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| Bibliography | |
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| Resources | |
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| Authors' Website | |
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| For General Information and Statistics on Aging | |
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| To Locate and Research Nursing Homes | |
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| For Long-Term-Care Information and Advocacy | |
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| To Contact State Agencies | |
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| To Report a Case of Elder Abuse | |
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| For Caregivers | |
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| Online Support for All Issues Faced by Adult Children of Elderly Parents | |
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| To Learn Skills for Interpersonal Communication and Emotional Literacy | |
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| Index | |