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| Things That Are True | |
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| Southern-Fried Sex Kitten | |
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| Bending Spoons with Britney Spears | |
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| (This Happened in) October | |
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| Mysterious Days | |
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| Call me "Lizard King." No...really. I insist. | |
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| Crazy Things Seem Normal, Normal Things Seem Crazy | |
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| 1,400 Mexican Moz Fans Can't Be (Totally) Wrong | |
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| Viva Morrissey! | |
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| Chomp Chomp | |
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| The Amazing McNugget Diet | |
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| McDiculous | |
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| My Second-Favorite Canadian | |
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| The Karl Marx of the Hardwood | |
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| Deep Blue Something | |
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| That '70s Cruise | |
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| "Deep Sabbath" | |
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| In the Beginning, There Was Zoso | |
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| Not a Whole Lotta Love | |
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| Disposable Heroes | |
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| Band on the Couch | |
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| Unbuttoning the Hardest Button to Button | |
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| Garage Days Unvisited | |
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| The Ice Planet Goth | |
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| Something Wicked This Way Comes | |
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| Fitter, Happier | |
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| No More Knives | |
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| The American Radiohead | |
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| Ghost Story | |
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| Bowling for the Future (and Possibly Horse Carcasses) | |
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| Local Clairvoyants Split Over Future | |
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| But I Still Think "All for Leyna" Is Awesome | |
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| The Stranger | |
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| Someone Like You | |
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| Dude Rocks Like a Lady | |
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| Taking The Streets to the Music | |
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| Untitled Geezer Profile | |
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| Five Interesting Corpses | |
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| The Ratt Trap | |
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| How Real Is Real | |
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| The Tenth Beatle | |
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| Here's "Johnny" 207 | |
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| Fargo Rock City, for Real | |
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| To Be Scene, or Not to Be Seen | |
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| Things That Might Be True | |
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| The Grizzly Hypothetical | |
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| Nemesis | |
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| The Transformation Hypothetical | |
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| Advancement | |
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| The Unknown Companion Hypothetical | |
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| I Do Not Hate the Olympics | |
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| The Dress Code Hypothetical | |
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| Three Stories Involving Pants | |
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| The Court of Public Opinion Hypothetical | |
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| Don't Look Back in Anger | |
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| The Brain Pill Hypothetical | |
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| Not Guilty | |
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| The Life Plagiarist Hypothetical | |
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| Cultural Betrayal | |
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| The Universal Morality Hypothetical | |
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| Monogamy | |
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| The Joe Six-Pack Hypothetical | |
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| Certain Rock Bands You Probably Like | |
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| The Hitler Theft Hypothetical | |
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| Pirates | |
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| The Robot War Hypothetical | |
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| Robots | |
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| The Cannibal's Quandary | |
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| Super People | |
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| The Apocalypse Hypothetical | |
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| Television | |
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| The General Tso's Hypothetical | |
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| Singularity | |
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| Something That Isn't True at All | |
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| You Tell Me | |
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| Acknowledgments | |
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| Index | |