| |
| |
| Preface | |
| |
| |
| |
| Introduction | |
| |
| |
| |
| Skills for Bridging the Interpersonal Gap | |
| |
| |
| Communication: Humanity's Supreme Achievement | |
| |
| |
| The Ineffectiveness of Most Communication | |
| |
| |
| The Ache of Loneliness | |
| |
| |
| So Much Lost Love | |
| |
| |
| A Key to Success at Work | |
| |
| |
| A Life-or-Death Matter | |
| |
| |
| You Can Change | |
| |
| |
| You Will Change! | |
| |
| |
| Managing Your Resistance to Learning | |
| |
| |
| Five Sets of Skills | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Barriers to Communication | |
| |
| |
| Common Communication Spoilers | |
| |
| |
| Why Roadblocks Are High-Risk Responses | |
| |
| |
| Judging: the Major Roadblock | |
| |
| |
| Roadblock | |
| |
| |
| Sending Solutions Can Be a Problem! | |
| |
| |
| Avoiding the Other's Concerns | |
| |
| |
| Roadblock Number Thirteen | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Listening Skills | |
| |
| |
| |
| Listening Is More Than Merely Hearing | |
| |
| |
| The Importance of Listening | |
| |
| |
| Listening Defined | |
| |
| |
| Listening Skill Clusters | |
| |
| |
| Attending Skills | |
| |
| |
| Following Skills | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Four Skills of Reflective Listening | |
| |
| |
| Reflective Responses Provide a Mirror to the Speaker | |
| |
| |
| Paraphrasing | |
| |
| |
| Reflecting Feelings | |
| |
| |
| Reflecting Meanings | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Why Reflective Responses Work | |
| |
| |
| Style and Structure in Listening | |
| |
| |
| Six Peculiarities of Human Communication | |
| |
| |
| Skepticism Is Best Dissolved by Action | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Reading Body Language | |
| |
| |
| The Importance of Body Language | |
| |
| |
| Nonverbals: The Language of Feelings | |
| |
| |
| The "Leakage" of Masked Feelings | |
| |
| |
| Guidelines for Reading Body Language | |
| |
| |
| Reflect the Feelings Back to the Sender | |
| |
| |
| A Clear But Confusing Language | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Improving Your Reflecting Skills | |
| |
| |
| Guidelines for Improved Listening | |
| |
| |
| Beyond Reflective Listening | |
| |
| |
| When to Listen Reflectively | |
| |
| |
| When Not to Listen Reflectively | |
| |
| |
| The Good News and the Bad News | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Assertion Skills | |
| |
| |
| |
| Three Approaches to Relationships | |
| |
| |
| Listening and Assertion: The Yin and Yang of Communication | |
| |
| |
| Methods for Developing Assertiveness | |
| |
| |
| The Need to Protect One's Personal Space | |
| |
| |
| Impacting | |
| |
| |
| The Submission-Assertion-Aggression Continuum | |
| |
| |
| Payoffs and Penalties of Three Ways of Relating | |
| |
| |
| Choose for Yourself | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Developing Three-Part Assertion Messages | |
| |
| |
| Verbal Assertion: The Third Option | |
| |
| |
| Three-Part Assertion Messages | |
| |
| |
| Effective and Ineffective Ways of Confrontation | |
| |
| |
| Writing Three-Part Assertion Messages | |
| |
| |
| A Voyage of Self-Discovery and Growth | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Handling the Push-Push Back Phenomenon | |
| |
| |
| Suprise Attack | |
| |
| |
| The Human Tendency to Be Defensive | |
| |
| |
| The Upward Spiral of Increasing Defensiveness | |
| |
| |
| A Six-Step Assertion Process | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Increasing Your Assertive Options | |
| |
| |
| Many Varieties of Assertive Behavior | |
| |
| |
| "Natural" Assertions | |
| |
| |
| Self-Disclosure | |
| |
| |
| Descriptive Recognition | |
| |
| |
| Relationship Assertions | |
| |
| |
| Selective Inattention | |
| |
| |
| Withdrawal | |
| |
| |
| The Spectrum Response | |
| |
| |
| Options | |
| |
| |
| Natural and Logical Consequences | |
| |
| |
| Stop the Action; Accept the Feelings | |
| |
| |
| Say "No!" | |
| |
| |
| Modify the Environment | |
| |
| |
| The Danger of Going Overboard | |
| |
| |
| The Aura of Assertiveness | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Conflict Management Skills | |
| |
| |
| |
| Conflict Prevention and Control | |
| |
| |
| Conflict Is Unavoidable | |
| |
| |
| Conflict Is Disruptive and/or Destructive | |
| |
| |
| The Benefits of Conflict | |
| |
| |
| Realistic and Nonrealistic Conflict | |
| |
| |
| Personal Conflict Prevention and Control Methods | |
| |
| |
| Group/Organizational Prevention and Control Methods | |
| |
| |
| The Dangers of Conflict Prevention and Control | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Handling the Emotional Components of Conflict | |
| |
| |
| Focus on the Emotions First | |
| |
| |
| The Conflict Resolution Method | |
| |
| |
| The Conflict Resolution Method in Action | |
| |
| |
| Four Ways to Use the Conflict Resolution Method | |
| |
| |
| Preparation for the Encounter | |
| |
| |
| Evaluating the Conflict | |
| |
| |
| Expected Outcomes of the Conflict Resolution Method | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Collaborative Problem Solving: Seeking an Elegant Solution | |
| |
| |
| Three Kinds of Conflict | |
| |
| |
| Alternatives to Collaborative Problem Solving | |
| |
| |
| Seeking an Elegant Solution Through Collaborative Problem Solving | |
| |
| |
| Six Steps of the Collaborative Problem-Solving Method | |
| |
| |
| What This Problem-Solving Method Communicates | |
| |
| |
| Collaborative Problem-Solving in Action | |
| |
| |
| Handling the Crucial Preliminaries | |
| |
| |
| What Do I Do When Collaborative Problem Solving Doesn't Work? | |
| |
| |
| Applications of Collaborative Problem Solving | |
| |
| |
| Summary | |
| |
| |
| |
| Three Essentials for Effective Communication | |
| |
| |
| In Communication, Skills Alone Are Insufficient | |
| |
| |
| Genuineness | |
| |
| |
| Non-possessive Love | |
| |
| |
| Empathy | |
| |
| |
| Implementation of the Core Attitudes | |
| |
| |
| |
| Four Steps to Improved Communication | |
| |
| |
| A Quantified Commitment to Use the Skills | |
| |
| |
| Select Appropriate Situations | |
| |
| |
| Undaunted by Occasional Failure | |
| |
| |
| Prepare Others for the Change | |
| |
| |
| Skill Training | |
| |
| |
| Notes | |
| |
| |
| Index | |