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| Preface | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Why the "Heart" of Counseling | |
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| A Few Notes about Us | |
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| A Note About Our Theoretical Base and Background | |
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| Important Notes on Case Examples | |
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| How to Use This Book | |
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| Eleven Concepts-Roots That Ground and Grow with The Heart of Counseling | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Important Guidance for Your Study of These Concepts | |
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| Avoid Intellectual Overload | |
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| Remember That Experience Is the Best Teacher and Communicator | |
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| Eleven Underlying Concepts | |
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| Self-Actualization | |
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| When Blocks Come into One's Path toward Self-Actualization and Ideal Maturity | |
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| The Capacity for Awareness, to Reason, Question, and Choose | |
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| Interpretation of Experience and Development of Self-Concept | |
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| Awareness of Existence, Choice, and Questions of Self-Worth | |
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| Self-Responsibility is Anxiety-Provoking | |
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| Awareness of Aloneness | |
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| Emotions Are Useful and Necessary for Growth | |
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| Every Action Is a Choice of Destiny | |
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| The Internal World | |
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| Locus of Control and Evaluation, and Being | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| The Rich and Subtle Skills of Therapeutic Listening | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Tuning in and Listening | |
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| The Many Levels and Nuances of Reflecting | |
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| The Broad Skill of Reflection: From Paraphrasing to Themes to Confrontation, Challenge, Summary, and Beyond | |
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| The Broad View of Communication from Clients | |
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| The Do's and Don'ts of Listening Therapeutically | |
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| Overview of What You Are Communicating with Your Actions | |
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| Do's | |
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| Don'ts | |
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| Important Explanations of the Behaviors of This Do's and Don'ts List | |
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| Your Listening Body Language | |
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| Reflect Your Perception of What Your Client Communicates | |
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| Reflections as Declarative Statements | |
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| The Question of Questions or Questioning Tone | |
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| Keep Your Reflections Short, Whenever Possible | |
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| The Special Issue of Verbatim Reflections | |
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| Focus Your Reflections on Your Client's Main Point, or the Things Communicated That Seemed Most Important, Most Emotionally Laden for Your Client | |
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| Be Prepared for and Accept Corrections | |
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| The Issue of Interruptions | |
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| Allow Your Clients to Own Most Silences | |
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| How Therapeutic Listening Differs from Listening Outside of Counseling and from Nonlistening | |
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| How and Why Listening Therapeutically Works | |
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| What's Difficult about Listening-Common Errors and Problems in Listening for Beginning Counselors | |
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| Common Interfering Thoughts | |
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| Therapeutic Listening Is Not Normal and Can Feel Odd | |
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| The Urge to Fix Immediately | |
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| Sometimes Clients Want a Quick Fix | |
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| The Desire to Ask Informational Questions That Are of Interest to You | |
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| Stories | |
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| Returning to Important Communications | |
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| Multitasking with Therapeutic Listening | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Striving for Empathy | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Introduction | |
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| What Empathy Is and Isn't | |
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| Understanding What Empathy Is by Considering What It Is Not | |
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| Intricacies of Empathy | |
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| A Sample of the Preponderance of Literature Supporting and Clarifying the Importance and Power of Empathy | |
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| Why Empathy Is Important, Powerful | |
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| Connecting at the Core | |
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| Joining on a Scary Journey | |
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| Self-Awareness | |
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| Self-Experience | |
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| A Profoundly Different Relationship | |
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| Joy in Connecting | |
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| Furthering Communication and Connection | |
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| What Gets in the Way of Empathy | |
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| Habit | |
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| Fear of Feelings | |
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| Misattributed Responsibility | |
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| Letting Go of Control | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Expressing Empathy | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Various Ways to Express Empathy | |
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| Matching Client's Tone | |
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| Facial Expression and Body Language | |
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| The Most Overt Means-Words | |
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| Do's and Don't of Expressing Empathy | |
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| Overview | |
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| Do's | |
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| Don'ts | |
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| Explanations and Discussion from This Do's and Don'ts List | |
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| Focus Your Attention Primarily on Client Emotions, Secondarily on Thoughts and Actions | |
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| Strive to Feel with Your Client, to Feel What Your Client Feels | |
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| Reflect Client Feelings and Underlying Thoughts through the Tone, Facial Expressions, Body Language, and Gestures That Come Naturally to You | |
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| Reflect Client Feelings with Words for the Emotions You Feel with Them, When Natural | |
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| Reflect Feelings and Underlying Thoughts That You Perceive Your Client to Imply | |
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| State Your Empathy in Declarative Statements and, When Unsure, State Your Empathy with More Tentative Declarations | |
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| Use Reflections to Restate Client Feelings and Underlying Thoughts More Clearly, Directly, and More Precisely and Concisely | |
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| Be Prepared for and Accept Corrections | |
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| Don't Let Your Words for What You Feel with Clients Come Out Sounding Like Assessments | |
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| Don't Respond from a Hidden Agenda of What You Believe Clients Should Realize | |
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| Don't Do Most of the Talking | |
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| Don't Make "Me Too" or "Must Feel" Statements | |
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| Nuances of Expressing Empathy That Don't Quite Fit Our Do's and Don'ts List | |
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| Remaining Animated, Natural, and Spontaneous in Expressing Empathy | |
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| Variation of Tone in Expressing Empathy | |
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| Responding to Implied Emotions | |
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| Responding to Unpleasant Emotions | |
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| Discerning When to Respond More to Emotions and When to Respond More to Content | |
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| Common Difficulties, Pitfalls, and Dead Ends | |
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| Thinking of the Word, Rather Than Feeling with Your Client | |
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| Trying Too Hard to Get It Just Right | |
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| A Limited Vocabulary for Feelings | |
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| The Problem with Claiming Understanding or Shared Experience | |
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| Personal Confidence and Faith in the Counseling Process | |
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| A Lack of Unconditional Positive Regard | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Striving for and Communicating Unconditional Positive Regard | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity 1 | |
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| Focus Activity 2 | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Paths toward Holding Others in Reasonably Consistent Positive Regard | |
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| The Tandem: Empathy and Unconditional Positive Regard | |
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| What UPR Is and Isn't | |
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| Beginning Thoughts on What Unconditional Positive Regard Is | |
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| What UPR Is Not | |
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| A Sample of the Literature Supporting and Clarifying the Importance and Power of UPR | |
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| Why UPR is Important, Powerful | |
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| Self-Acceptance = Change | |
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| UPR = Full Expression of Emotions | |
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| As We Accept Our Clients, Our Clients Come to Accept Themselves | |
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| A Safe Environment | |
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| Evaluation by Others Can Be a Poor Guide for One's Self | |
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| Rewards for the Counselor and Client | |
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| How UPR Is and Is Not Communicated | |
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| What Gets in the Way of Having and Communicating UPR | |
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| Having an Agenda for Your Client | |
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| Counselors Believing They Know Better Than Their Clients | |
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| Burnout | |
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| Lack of Self-Acceptance | |
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| Counselors Inadvertently Seeking to Fill Their Own Needs through Clients | |
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| The Analytic Mind | |
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| Some Clients are Hard to Like | |
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| Clients Doing or Saying Things That Run Counter to Their Counselor's Moral Constructs | |
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| Initial Judging Thoughts | |
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| How UPR in Counseling May Relate to UPR outside of Counseling | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| The Delicate Balance of Providing Empathy and UPR in a Genuine Manner | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Introduction | |
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| What Genuineness Means and Does Not Mean | |
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| A Sample of Literature Supporting and Clarifying Genuineness and Its Importance | |
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| The Importance of Genuineness in Counseling | |
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| Keeping Therapeutic Listening, Empathy, and UPR Real: A Therapeutic Relationship with a Real Person | |
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| The Connection to and Role of Genuineness in the Set of Core Conditions | |
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| Modeling | |
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| Creating a Safe Place for Emotional Honesty | |
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| How Counselor Genuineness Is and Is Not Communicated | |
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| Declarations of Genuineness Are Rarely Helpful | |
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| Sometimes Counselors' Experiences of Clients "Bubble up" or Cannot Be Hidden | |
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| State Your Reaction When Your Reaction to Clients Interferes with Your Empathy and UPR | |
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| Being Who You Are in the Phrasing of Your Reflections | |
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| Make Only Careful, Judicious Self-Expressions, Beyond Your Ever-Present Empathy and UPR | |
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| What Makes the Delicate Balance of Providing Empathy and UPR in a Genuine Manner Difficult | |
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| The Errant Thought-I Am Who I Am | |
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| The Challenge of Clients Who Are Hard to Like | |
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| The Need for a High Level of Self-Development for This Counseling Skill | |
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| The Question of Expressing Your Positive and Negative Experiences of Clients | |
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| The Need for High-Level Observational Skills, Therapeutic Listening, and Empath | |
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| Clients Who Ask for Your Experience of Them | |
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| The Need to Balance Freedom That Optimizes Personal Connections and Allows Experiences to Bubble Up into Expression with Avoiding Influence That Limits Client Expression | |
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| A Closing Thought on Genuineness | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Logistics of Getting Started with New Client | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Gathering Information and Understanding for an Initial Session Report Using Your Skills in Therapeutic Listening, Empathy, UPR, and Genuineness | |
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| Learning about Initial Counseling Sessions from Situations That Require Intake or Initial Session Reports | |
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| Practical Reasons for Information Gathering in Initial Sessions | |
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| Incorporating Counseling-Related Assessment with Your Skills in Therapeutic Listening, Empathy, UPR, and Genuineness | |
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| The Issue of Writing Notes during Sessions | |
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| Writing an Initial Session Report | |
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| Identifying Information | |
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| Presenting Problem/Concerns | |
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| History of the Problem/Previous Interventions | |
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| Reason for Coming to Counseling Now | |
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| Alcohol/Drug Use and/or Medical Concerns | |
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| Related Family History/Information | |
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| Major Areas of Stress | |
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| Academic/Work Functioning | |
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| Social Resources | |
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| Initial Impressions or Understanding of the Person and Concerns | |
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| Treatment Plans | |
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| Additional Notes on Thinking through Initial Impressions or Understandings of the Person and His or Her Concerns and Treatment Plans | |
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| Keeping Ongoing Case Notes | |
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| Common Dilemmas or Situations in Getting Started with New Clients | |
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| A Need to Know What to Expect | |
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| Anxiety | |
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| An Explanation(s) of Counseling That Helps Clients Begin | |
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| Information Your Clients Should Know When Getting Started | |
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| Confidentiality | |
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| Who and/or Why Referred | |
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| Potentially Helpful Information Related to the Presenting Problem | |
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| Goals | |
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| Problems with Goals | |
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| The Thinking behind Our Solutions to Establishing Goals | |
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| Reasonable Goals | |
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| Unreasonable Goals | |
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| Communicating Goals | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Initial and Ongoing Structuring of Therapeutic Relationships | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Logistics | |
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| Session Length and Ending Sessions | |
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| Time Warnings and the Importance of Letting Clients Own Their Endings | |
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| Exceptions to Ending on Time | |
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| The Awkwardness of Giving Time Warnings and Guidance for This | |
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| Possibilities of Varying the Time Warning Structure for Some Clients | |
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| A Few More Suggestions on This Time Thing | |
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| Helping Clients Understand the Structure of Interactions in Counseling or How Counseling May Work for Them | |
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| A Client Who Asks for Guidance | |
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| A Client Who Seems to Insist on a Quick Solution | |
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| A Client Who Has Great Discomfort with Silence | |
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| A Client Who Attends Sporadically | |
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| A Client Who Just Does Not Know Where to Start | |
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| Higher-Level Reflections Can Also Help Clients Understand How to Use Counseling | |
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| Example 1 | |
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| Example 2 | |
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| Explaining Therapeutic Relationships or Use of Counseling to Significant Persons in Clients' Lives | |
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| Problems for Beginning Counselors in Explaining Clients' Potential Use of Counseling | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| When Clients Need Help Getting Started | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activities | |
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| Activity 1 | |
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| Activity 2 | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Mistakes You May Make That Inhibit Your Clients' Beginning Use of Counseling | |
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| Trying Too Hard or Worrying about Motivating Clients to Make Rapid Use of Counseling | |
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| Not Recognizing That Your Client Began to Use His or Her Therapeutic Relationship with You As Soon As You Began to Provide It | |
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| Lack of Acceptance | |
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| Pedantic Reflections | |
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| Reflections That Sound Like "Aha" Conclusions | |
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| Slipping into Questions | |
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| When in Doubt, Please Review | |
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| Examples of Counselor Actions That Help Clients Struggling in Starting | |
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| Start Where Your Client Is | |
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| Respond to the Level of Emotion Each Client Expresses | |
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| Remember the Uniqueness of Each Client's Pace | |
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| Remember That It's Natural to Feel Uncomfortable in the Beginning | |
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| Give Them Room | |
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| Respect Your Client's Pace | |
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| See the Big Picture in Your Clients' Communication | |
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| Dispel Expectations of a Need for a Problem or Profundity | |
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| Sharing Experience in Letting Go | |
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| And Finally, Hang in There | |
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| Asking Questions or Suggesting Topics That Clients May Find Helpful in Their Struggles in Starting | |
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| Stating Why a Client Was Referred or Why You Offer Counseling | |
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| Suggesting Common Areas of Improtance for Discussion | |
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| Basing Questions/Suggestions of Information That You Already Have and Are Interested In | |
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| Open Questions | |
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| Concluding Thoughts on Helping Clients Who Are Struggling in Starting | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Managing Client Crises with Therapeutic Relationship Skills | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Part 1 | |
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| Part 2 | |
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| Part 3 | |
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| Introduction: Therapeutic Relationships as a Source of Power and Influence to Help Clients Manage Crises | |
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| Principles of Managing Client Crises with Therapeutic Relationship Skills | |
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| Self-Responsibility, Dignity, Integrity, and Least-Restrictive Interventions | |
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| Acceptance | |
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| Empathy | |
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| Tell Your Client What's Going On with You | |
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| Remember to Reflect | |
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| Help Your Clients Make Their Plan | |
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| Plan Specifically | |
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| Err on the Side of Caution | |
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| Say the Words | |
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| Respond to the Possible Communication of a Dangerous Situation As Soon As Possible | |
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| Consideration of Assessment Factors | |
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| A Plan | |
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| Lethality of the Plan | |
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| A Means | |
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| Preventive Factors | |
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| Future Orientation | |
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| A Sudden Change or Switch | |
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| Previous Attempts | |
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| Lowered Inhibitions and Impulse Control | |
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| Ability to Guarantee Safety | |
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| And Finally ... | |
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| Non-Self-Harm Agreement/Safety Plan | |
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| A Good Safety Plan Is Time Specific | |
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| Relate the Safety Plan to Avoiding Elements within Your Client's Suicide Plan or Thoughts | |
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| Get Rid of the Means | |
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| Avoid Lowered Inhibitions and Impulse Control | |
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| Prevent Harm by Contacting Someone Immediately | |
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| Work Slowly and Carefully | |
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| And Finally ... | |
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| A Case Example of a Client with Mild Suicidal Ideation | |
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| The Issue of Hospitalization | |
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| Know Your Local Laws, Guidelines, and Procedures | |
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| When to Seek Hospitalization | |
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| Maintaining Maximal Client Self-Responsibility | |
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| Responding with Empathy to Clarify Intent | |
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| Counselor Responsibility | |
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| The Issue of Paying for Hospitalization | |
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| An Example with a Client Experiencing Strong Suicidal Ideation | |
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| An Example with a Client Who Is at Risk of Harming Others | |
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| Assessment Factors in Determining Risk and Safety Plans in Domestic Violence Situations, Especially Those That Rise to the Level of Imminent Danger | |
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| Physical Violence | |
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| The Extent of Physical Violence and Any Potential Pattern | |
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| Triggers and High-Risk Behaviors | |
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| Children | |
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| Planning for Safety | |
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| Common Difficulties for Beginning Counselors Helping Clients Manage Situations That Are or May Be of Imminent Danger | |
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| The Seriousness of the Situation and the Weight of Decisions-The Danger Itself | |
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| "What if I Panic and Know What to Do, But I Forget?" | |
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| The Pressure of Never Being 100% Sure | |
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| Discerning the Difference between Your Feelings and Empathy | |
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| Errors in Empathy | |
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| Preoccupation with Liability | |
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| Having to Let Go and Let Clients Be Responsible-Trusting That Each Client Will Actually Do the Plan Agreed To | |
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| Self-Confidence and Self-Perception of Competence to Make Such Decisions | |
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| Coordination with Other Professionals-Fearing Breaking Trust to Ask for Help | |
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| Coordination with Client Loved Ones or Significant Others | |
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| The Infinity of Unknown or New Situations for Which There Is No Script | |
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| Shifting into Crisis Management Panic Mode and Forgetting to Continue to Build and Use a Therapeutic Relationship with Each Client | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Ending Therapeutic Relationships | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Introduction | |
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| The Principle of Independence | |
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| Planfulness | |
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| Committing to Review for Client Readiness to End throughout Ongoing Work | |
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| Reviewing for Client Progress, Satisfaction, and Decisions toward Ending | |
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| Setting a Tentative Plan for Counseling, Reviewing Progress, Satisfaction, and Decisions about Whether and How Long to Continue with an Initially Reluctant Client | |
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| Recognizing the Many Forms of Progress | |
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| Consideration of Alternative Modes of Planful Endings | |
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| Counting Down to the Ending | |
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| Letting Your Clients Know They May Return | |
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| Telling Your Clients How You See Them in the End or Last Meeting | |
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| Arbitrary Endings | |
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| Help Clients Plan for the Premature Ending | |
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| Counting Down | |
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| Discussing/Suggesting Continued Work and Progress | |
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| Special Problems or Situations That Occur with Arbitrary Endings | |
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| Seeking Feedback in Final Meetings | |
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| Common Difficulties for Beginning Counselors around Ending | |
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| Not Wanting to Let Go | |
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| The Frequent Happy/Sad Endings | |
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| Seeming to Want Too Much to End | |
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| Client Reluctance to End | |
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| Surprise That a Client Seems More Okay with Ending Than You Do | |
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| Unknown Reasons for Clients Ending and the Temptation for Counselors to Speculate or Blame Themselves for Some Error | |
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| Great Satisfaction and Joy in Endings | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Therapeutic Relationships across Cultures | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Introduction: All Counseling Is Cross-Cultural-But You Have to Reach Out | |
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| Reaching across Cultural Differences with Your Skills and Your Self | |
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| Humility | |
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| Be Wary of Cultural Assumptions | |
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| Know Yourself through Immersing Yourself | |
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| Think Broadly | |
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| The Fairly Foreign World of Children | |
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| Clients and Others Who May Not See the Value of Counseling | |
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| Common Problems or Experiences of Beginning Counselors in Counseling across Cultures | |
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| Opportunity to Experience a Diversity of Clients | |
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| Difference as Advantage to the Counselor | |
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| Missing the Feelings for the Cultural Context | |
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| Missing the Content for the Context | |
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| Significant Value Differences | |
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| The Experience of Connecting | |
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| Sensing a Need for Information and Context Education | |
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| Reaching Out and Becoming Accessible | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Growing Your Therapeutic Relationship Skills and the Core Conditions of Counseling | |
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| Primary Skill Objectives | |
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| Focus Activity | |
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| Introduction | |
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| Developing Yourself through Developing Your Skills in Therapeutic Relationships | |
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| The Question of Multiple or Dual Relationships with Clients | |
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| Therapeutic Relationship Skills in Consultation | |
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| With Teachers | |
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| With Parents and Loved Ones of Clients | |
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| With Other Professionals from Related Fields | |
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| Therapeutic Relationship Skills in Job Task Negotiation | |
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| Therapeutic Relationship Skills in the Classroom | |
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| Empathy Sandwich | |
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| Project Special Friend | |
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| Teaching Clients and Others to Use the Skills of Therapeutic Relationships in Their Relationships | |
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| "Oh, the Places You'll Go" | |
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| Activities and Resources for Further Study | |
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| Brief Summary Notes for Chapter 1: Eleven Concepts-Roots That Ground and Grow with the Heart of Counseling | |
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| Do's and Don'ts of Reflective Listening and Expressing Empathy | |
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| Sample Initial Session Report Items | |
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| Essay Assignment for Particular Use in Readying Your Self-Awareness for Counseling Across Cultural Differences | |
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| References | |
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| Special Reference List for Pre-Chapter Quotes | |
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| Index | |