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| Introduction | |
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| What Did I Ever See in My Ex? | |
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| Sharing Custody with a Jerk | |
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| Life's Most Important Job | |
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| The Scope of This Book | |
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| Keeping It in Perspective | |
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| Driving Backward | |
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| If It Walks like a Jerk... | |
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| Respect: A Casualty of Divorce | |
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| Your History Plays a Part | |
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| What's Done Is Still Happening | |
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| Ted's Time Bomb | |
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| Renegotiating Your Relationship | |
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| Ending Self-Destructive Self-Talk | |
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| Post-Crisis Goals | |
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| When "I Do" Turns into "I Don't Have to Anymore" | |
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| Identifying the Problem (Other Than Your Ex Is a Jerk) | |
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| It's Always Something | |
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| Dealing with Denial | |
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| Separating the Feelings from the Problems | |
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| The Bigger Picture | |
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| The Think-Feel-Do Cycle | |
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| Changing Your Actions | |
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| What exactly is the Problem Here? | |
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| To Solve or Not to Solve | |
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| Isolating the Problem | |
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| Accepting Tolerable Situations | |
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| Who Tops the Problem Pyramid? | |
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| Responsibility | |
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| Contributing to the Solution | |
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| Justifying Your Actions | |
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| Making Assumptions | |
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| Engaging in Deliberate Manipulation | |
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| Projecting the Worst | |
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| Placing Blame | |
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| Allowing Guilt | |
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| Claiming Power | |
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| The Flip Side of the Coin: Taking Too Much Responsibility | |
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| The Problem Pyramid | |
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| Common Problems and Identifying Who Tops Them | |
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| When You Top the Problem Pyramid | |
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| I Pick Your Battles | |
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| Create a Plan of Action | |
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| Decide When and Where to Speak to Your Ex | |
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| Find a Neutral Territory | |
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| Reframe Your Relationship: This Isn't War, its Business | |
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| Know What You Want from Your Ex | |
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| Use "I" Statements to Communicate | |
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| Why "I" Statements Are Effective | |
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| Tone of Voice and Body Language | |
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| Positive Assertions Disarm Your Opponent | |
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| Positive Versus Negative Assertions | |
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| Inter-gender Communication | |
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| Eliminate "Always" and "Never" | |
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| Make Your Communication Effective | |
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| Practice Makes Perfect | |
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| When the "I" Statement Meets Resistance | |
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| When Your Ex Doesn't Give a $@#% How You Feel | |
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| Save the Sarcasm | |
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| Disengaging | |
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| Setting Yourself Up for Success | |
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| Tagging Positive Assertions with a Choice | |
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| Meaning What You Say | |
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| Brainstorming Solutions to Your Problems | |
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| Avoiding All-or-Nothing Traps | |
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| Taking It Slowly | |
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| Asking Questions | |
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| Role-Play: Doing Your Homework | |
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| Summing It Up | |
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| Problems That You Need to Solve | |
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| Working Through the Problems | |
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| My Ex Can Do No Wrong | |
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| Changing Plans | |
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| In Your Face on Facebook | |
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| Blockbuster Bust | |
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| Party Time | |
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| Visitation Via Skype | |
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| You've Got Mail! | |
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| A Recap | |
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| Learning to Cooperate with Your Ex | |
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| Working at Change | |
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| The Fight-or-Flight Response | |
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| Deep Breathing: A Technique That Calms | |
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| Shifting Your Mind-Set | |
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| Getting What We Give | |
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| Listening to Understand | |
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| Finding Agreement | |
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| Pulling Instead of Pushing | |
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| Avoiding Communication Blocks | |
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| The Box Step of Cooperative Communication | |
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| Catch 'Em Doing It Right | |
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| If You Lose It Completely, Apologize | |
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| Giving Yourself Permission to Compromise | |
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| When Your Child Tops the Problem Pyramid | |
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| Protecting Your Children | |
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| Overprotecting them | |
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| Listening Neutrally to Your Child | |
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| Refraining from Acting on Your Own Feelings | |
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| Listening with Heart | |
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| Cracking the Kids' Code | |
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| Acknowledging | |
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| Brainstorming with Kids | |
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| Giving Advice Carefully | |
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| Wondering What Would Happen If... | |
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| Handling Negativity | |
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| Examining Consequences | |
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| Letting It Rest | |
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| Allowing Your Child to Have a Relationship with the Other Parent | |
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| Handling Aftershocks Ahead of Time | |
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| Handling Manipulation | |
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| When Your Child's Problem Is with You | |
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| The Pre-verbal Child | |
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| Onions in the Tuna | |
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| What to Do When Your Child Tops the Problem Pyramid | |
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| Staying Out of It | |
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| Empowering Your Child | |
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| Empowerment = Self-Esteem | |
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| A Word about Discipline | |
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| Unconditional Love | |
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| Human Being Versus Human Doing | |
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| Listening to Your Child | |
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| Showing Confidence | |
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| Letting Go of Ideals | |
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| Watching Out for "But" | |
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| Separating Compliments from Requests | |
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| Separating Behavior from Love | |
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| Not Validating the "Monsters" | |
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| Shifting the Focus | |
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| Being a Role Model | |
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| When your Ex Tops the Problem Pyramid | |
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| How to Communicate When the Problem Belongs to Your Ex | |
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| Taking Your Time | |
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| Recognizing Bullying Techniques | |
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| Remaining Non-Defensive | |
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| Handing the Problem Back | |
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| Agreeing with Content | |
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| Click! The Ex Who Avoids | |
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| Claiming the Top of the Pyramid | |
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| Needing Legal or Professional Help | |
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| When Your Ex's "Other" Tops the Problem Pyramid | |
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| The Role of the Stepparent | |
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| Communicating in Our Digital World | |
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| Can You Hear Me Now? | |
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| Communicating Digitally | |
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| Texting Temptation | |
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| I See You | |
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| Email Equals | |
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| He's Got Mail | |
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| Face It | |
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| A Communication Disaster | |
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| Play It Again, Sam | |
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| I Just Called to Say I Don't Love You | |
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| No Hype with Skype | |
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| Pick a Date | |
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| Divorced Homes Are Different (Sometimes) | |
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| Your Family Is Unique | |
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| And Sometimes Divorced Homes Aren't So Different After All | |
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| Money Issues Go Both Ways | |
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| Different Parenting Styles | |
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| Creating a Different Structure | |
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| Seventeen Guidelines toward a Successful Foundation | |
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| Your Child's Needs and Rights | |
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| Living (and Dating) on the Bright Side | |
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| Healing After Divorce | |
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| Moving forward | |