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| Prologue: In which our speaker begins to weave his yarn in a cellar full of strangers | |
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| In which our protagonist sets foot in this world, survives a nuclear meltdown, and learns the secrets of juggling from a traveling group of hippies | |
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| In which a young man is introduced to the pleasures of a dark substance, through the benevolence of a learned professor | |
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| The adventures and misdeeds of the boy and his brother on a dirt lot in New Mexico | |
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| Tells of how the young man came to be enslaved by the mighty god Chiva | |
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| Wherein the boy encounters a holographer, a born-again Christian, and his Jewish grandmother, and lives to tell about it | |
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| In which he meets a girl and accidentally exposes his terrible secret | |
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| In which the boy finds himself living among misfits, radicals, anarchists, and robots while performing daring feats with a band of clowns | |
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| In which our subject tries to escape from the powerful clutch of Chiva, and is transformed into a bull-person | |
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| Is where he gets some new clothes | |
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| Tells of a series of bad decisions, which lead to a terrible fall | |
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| In which the young boy comes upon an evil dictator, and starts a revolution | |
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| A reconstruction of confounding events, as our protagonist tries to escape the noble intentions of his friends and family | |
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| In which the boy finds himself in trouble with both sides of the law | |
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| Sees our protagonist stand his ground against a pack of fanatical well-wishers | |
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| Presents evidence that extracurricular activities lead to communism | |
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| In which the young man is caught in a torrential downpour of fecal matter and encounters pure evil in the form of a rock | |
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| In which a journey to the outlands finds our protagonist in the back of a cop car sniffing a curious white powder | |
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| By what low road he arrived at his father's house | |
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| On how he came to eat a bit of paper that is said to open minds | |
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| Recounts a daring heist from the police and a subsequent visit to the psych ward | |
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| In which he is saved from untimely death and avoids broccoli and zucchini through his own resourcefulness | |
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| Is long, but holds the reader's interest through a series of comical interludes | |
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| In which a no-handed woman learns to juggle, and a son halfheartedly bats a pillow | |
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| Shows the disastrous consequences of a walk to the store | |
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| Mostly concerns the uncomfortable topic of sex | |
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| In which a learned doctor tells our subject about the god Iboga, enemy of Chiva | |
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| In which the boy sets out to become a man, but does a terrible job of it | |
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| Chronicles the journey to a faraway isle in search of the mystical god Iboga, who reveals the identity of our subject's true nemesis to be none other than himself | |
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| Epilogue: In which our speaker brings his audience up to date | |
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| Gratitude list | |