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| Introduction | |
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| In the Beginning... | |
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| For His Eyes Only: Ladies, Please Skip This Passage | |
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| My Date with Destiny: October 27, 1985 | |
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| The Wedding and the Honeymoon | |
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| Our Wedding Day: Countdown to Cake | |
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| George of the Wedding Jungle: W's Dos and Don'ts | |
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| What's a Honeymoon? A History Lesson | |
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| Adam and Steve: My Accidental Honeymoon | |
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| Lovers and Lepers: My Honeymoon with Meg Ryan | |
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| Honeymoon Horror Story: The Man from Glad | |
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| Porn to Be Wild: Should You Camcorder Everything? | |
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| A for Effort: Grading the Honeymoon | |
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| Marriage | |
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| You're Mr. & Mrs. Happy: Now What? | |
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| What We Really Want: The Lowdown on Love | |
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| I Can See Clearly Now: The End of the Honeymoon Effect | |
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| From "I Do" to "Uh-oh": Retraining the New Hire | |
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| Wedding Ca$her$: I Married a Cheapskate | |
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| Love Me (Legal) Tender: Marrieds and Money | |
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| Tastes Like Chicken: The Fear Factor | |
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| The Edit Sweet: Honesty | |
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| Married to the Mom: In-laws | |
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| I Dropped When I Shopped: Gift Fatigue | |
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| Saturday-Night Fights: How to Argue Without Gunplay | |
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| Oh No, It's Geraldo! When There's an Age Difference | |
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| Rules of Engagement: Married in the Military | |
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| Gimme Shelter: Your First Home | |
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| A Moving Experience: Relocating Your Family | |
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| The Aliens Next Door: Your Neighbors | |
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| Mr. Handy: Home Remodeling | |
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| King of Pain: Should I Go to the Hospital? | |
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| When I'm Dead, She's Rich: Wife Insurance | |
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| Pet of the Year: Animal House | |
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| Volun-teers of a Clown: Public Service | |
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| Good Sports: Playing Together | |
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| Our Marriage Is Perfect, Let's Date! An Experiment | |
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| Kids | |
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| Growing Your Family Tree: What Are You In For? | |
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| Pee on the Stick: Pregnancy | |
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| Dial M for Mother: Delivery Day | |
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| Sorry, Tallulah's Taken: Naming the Baby | |
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| Breast Intentions: Feeding in Public | |
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| Fear Factor: Baby Monitoring | |
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| Nannygate: Finding a Babysitter | |
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| Say What? Kids Say the Darnedest Things | |
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| Parent Trap: A Parent's Pop Quiz | |
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| Making the Grade: Time for School | |
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| My Boy in the Bubble: Are You Too Protective? | |
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| Where Did We Go Wrong? Worst-Case Scenarios | |
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| Crime and Punishment: Discipline | |
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| The Birds, the Bees, the Carrot: Talking About Sex | |
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| Dine and Dash: Feeding Time | |
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| Frequent-Crier Miles: Traveling with Kids | |
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| Almost Rubbed Out by Rudolph: Freak Accidents | |
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| My Father the Spy, My Mother the Murderer: What Parents Do for Their Kids | |
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| Be Prepared: Girl and Boy Scouts | |
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| The Coach Bag: Going Out for the Team | |
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| The Graduate: Kids and College | |
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| Mature Topics | |
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| Where Do I Plug This In? Appliances | |
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| I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Wear This Thong: Do Not Attempt This at Home | |
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| The Love Machine, by Kenmore: Mom and Dad Take a Time-out | |
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| Porn Losers: When You See Things You Should Not | |
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| Me Tarzan, You Neighbor: Swingers | |
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| Troubleshooting | |
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| Kill Him with Kindness: Desperate Housewives | |
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| The Doctor Is In, the Parking Lot: Affairs | |
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| When It Hits the Fan: Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford | |
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| Mother of All Arguments: The Prenup | |
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| Happily Ever After | |
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| Cracking the Code: The Secret to a Long, Happy Marriage | |
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| "Yes, Dear, Pour Me a Beer": The Longest Marriage on Earth | |
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| Honeymooner Hall of Fame: Real-Life Success Stories | |
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| Peggy Sue Got Married: Marrying Your High School Sweetheart | |
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| The 4-H Club: Recipe for a Happy Marriage | |
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| Where's the Tabasco? How to Keep Marriage Exciting | |
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| The Not-So-Newlywed Game: Five Questions for Your Spouse | |
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| Niagara Falls Plus Fifty: Good News: Love Lasts | |
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| I'm Almost Out of Toner: Final Thoughts | |
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| Author Thank-Yous and Shout-Outs | |