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| Preface | |
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| What Distinguishes Effective Counselors From the Rest? | |
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| Overview of Chapters | |
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| Recommendations for Reading This Book | |
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| Acknowledgments | |
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| An Introduction to Challenging Youth | |
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| What 12 Teenage Boys in a Double Trailer Taught Me About Myself | |
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| Who Are Challenging Youth? | |
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| What About Youth Who Seem to Lack the Capacity to Care About Others? | |
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| Empirical and Theoretical Foundations | |
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| Lessons Learned: Promoting Self-Awareness to Enhance Therapeutic Relationships | |
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| Find the Time to Assess Your Own Attitudes, Beliefs, and Behaviors | |
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| Find Ways to Meet the Prerequisites | |
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| Challenging Youth Are Like Inkblot Tests | |
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| Be Aware of Your Emotional Triggers and Remember You Are Human | |
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| "Laughter Is the Shortest Distance Between Two People" (Victor Borge) | |
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| Learn From Unsuccessful Interventions or Past Conflict--And Then Let Go | |
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| Look for Ways You Are Making a Difference | |
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| Embody What You Teach and Teach Only What You Have Embodied (Millman, 1984) | |
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| Lessons Learned: Meeting Youth Where They Are--Individually, Developmentally, and Culturally | |
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| Remember What Uniform(s) You Wore | |
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| Challenging Youth Struggle on a Daily Basis to Meet Two Basic Needs | |
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| Recognize and Appreciate Ways Adolescents Are Developmentally Unique | |
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| Recognize and Appreciate Racial and Cultural Differences | |
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| Recognize and Appreciate Within Group Differences | |
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| Adapt Rather Than Adopt | |
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| Meet Youth Where They Are, Both Literally and Figuratively | |
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| Empathic Understanding Is the Key to Reaching Troubled Youth--But It's No Easy Task | |
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| Learn About the Car Before Tinkering With the Engine: Avoid Premature Problem-Solving | |
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| Admitting We Don't Understand Is Sometimes the Most Understanding and Validating Statement We Can Make | |
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| Invite Participation--Identify and Name the Real Experts | |
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| The Past Is History, But Don't Dismiss It | |
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| Lessons Learned: Finding a Healthy Balance Between Support and Challenge | |
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| Avoid the Dualistic Trap: You Do Not Have to Choose Between Drill Sergeant and Doormat | |
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| Reframe Confrontations as a Way to Develop Closer, More Genuine Relationships | |
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| Recognize Times and Situations When Confrontations May Be Warranted | |
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| Empathic Understanding Does Not Mean Agreeing With or Excusing Unacceptable Behavior | |
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| Use the SET Model to Diffuse Potential Power Struggles | |
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| Trying to Control Challenging Youth Is Like Teaching a Pig to Sing. It Wastes Your Time and Annoys the Pig | |
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| Empathize With Those Who Are Oppressed, Fight to Change Oppressive Systems and People, and Continue to Have High Expectations for Youth Who Have Been Oppressed | |
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| Lessons Learned: Framing Problems and Solutions in More Creative, Constructive, and Caring Ways | |
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| All Effective Counselors Appreciate the Power of Reframing | |
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| If at First You Don't Succeed, Try Again. If That Doesn't Work, Try Something Else | |
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| Resist Using "Resistant" and Other Counterproductive Terms | |
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| Look Beyond the Behavior to Avoid Escalating the Cycle of Aggression | |
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| Pay Attention to What You Pay Attention to | |
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| Incorporate Strategies From Sports Psychology and Solution-Focused Therapy to Shift the Focus | |
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| Use Reality Therapy Principles to Help Youth Make the Connection Between What They Want and What They Are Doing or Thinking | |
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| Use Metaphors and Anecdotal Stories to Plant Seeds and Facilitate Growth | |
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| When Kids Feel They Have Only Two Choices, They Will Choose Smart Ass Over Dumb Ass Any Day | |
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| Don't Underestimate the Power of Diagnostic Labels | |
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| All Helping Professionals Have a Responsibility to Make the Assessment Process More Kid-Friendly | |
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| Lessons Learned: Valuing Systematic, Collaborative, and Preventive Approaches | |
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| Appreciate Context--Don't Judge a Kid by His or Her Cover | |
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| Families, Particularly Parents and Guardians, Cannot Be Peripheral to the Therapeutic Process | |
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| Families with Challenging Youth Often Display Characteristic Structural Patterns That Tend to Limit Growth and Maintain or Exacerbate Problem Behaviors | |
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| Families With Challenging Youth Are More Likely to Use Habitual Communication Patterns That Tend to Limit Growth and Maintain or Exacerbate Problem Behaviors | |
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| Take Time to See the Big Picture--Empathize With the Families of Challenging Youth | |
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| Recognize, Appreciate, and Use Group Work and the Power of the Peer Culture | |
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| Even the Lone Ranger Never Rode Alone | |
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| Follow the Lead of Activists like Mubarek Awad and Joseph Marshall--Advocate for Youth and Families | |
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| We Must Also Concentrate Our Efforts on Preventing and Addressing Problems Upstream | |
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| Revisiting the Six Principles | |
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| References | |
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| Index | |
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| About the Author | |