Intimacy and Desire Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship

ISBN-10: 0825305675
ISBN-13: 9780825305672
Edition: 2016
Authors: David Schnarch
List price: $15.95
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Book details

List price: $15.95
Copyright year: 2016
Publisher: Beaufort Books, Incorporated
Publication date: 5/1/2011
Binding: Paperback
Pages: 448
Size: 6.00" wide x 9.25" long x 1.25" tall
Weight: 1.540
Language: English

David Schnarch, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist and director of the Marriage and Family Health Center in Evergreen, Colorado. He is founder of the Sexual Crucible Approach(r) to integrated sexual and marital therapy, and the Passionate Marriage Approach(r) for couples. Dr. Schnarch's textbook Constructing the Sexual Crucible is used as a primary text in graduate training programs across the country. He was the first recipient of the Professional Standards of Excellence Award from the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT} and chair of professional education for eight years. Dr. Schnarch currently serves on the editorial board of AAMFT's Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy. He lives in Evergreen, Co1orado.

Introduction
Why Normal People have Sexual Desire Problems
There is Always a Low Desire Partner and the Low Desire Partner Always Controls Sex
Sex Is Not a �Natural Function�
There Is Always a �Low Desire Partner� and a �High Desire Partner�
The Low Desire Partner Always Controls Sex
How the Low Desire Partner Controls Sex
Where We're Headed
Since Your �Self� Showed Up, Sexual Desire Hasn't Been the Same
Three Drives of Sexual Desire and Love
A Fourth Sexual Drive: Developing and Maintaining a Self
Biology, Environment, Culture, and Mind in the Evolution of Desire and Love
Co-Evolution: Mind, Brain, Body, and Relationship Are One Whole
The Crucible� Approach to Co-Evolution Through Love Relationships
The Low Desire Partner Usually Controls the High Desire Partner's Adequacy
It Starts at the Beginning: Being Normal
Borrowed Functioning
Developing a Solid Flexible Self
Mapping Your Partner's Mind
People Who Can't Control Themselves Control the People Around Them
The Answer to the Age-Old Question: Does Marriage Kill Sex?
How We Co-Evolve Through Sexual desire Problems
Holding On to Your Self
The Four Points of Balance™
Emotional Gridlock
Differentiation
Four Points of Balance: Balancing Attachment and Autonomy
The Cure for Emotional Gridlock
Intimacy Shapes Your Sexual Desire
Other-Validated Intimacy and Self-Validated Intimacy
Intimacy Is a System, Just Like Sexual Desire
Dependence on Other-Validated Intimacy Creates Emotional Gridlock
Gridlock over Intimacy Creates Low Desire
Shifting to Self-Confrontation and Self-Validated Intimacy
Creating Intersubjective Experiences
Adult Intimacy Harnesses the Best in You
Changing Monogamy from Martyrdom to Freedom
Monogamy, Adultery, and Human Nature
Monogamy Is Not a Promise, It's a System!
Monogamy Creates Low Desire in Poorly Differentiated Couples
Things Reach Critical Mass
Going Through the Crucible
Stronger Four Points of Balance Makes Monogamy Operate Differently
Desire Fades When You Stop Growing
Sexual Boredom Is Normal
When Your Partner Becomes Too Important to You, Desire Problems Surface
Anxiety-Regulation Through Accommodation
(Lack of) Desire, Intimacy, Freedom, and Sexual Novelty Prompt You to Grow
Sexual Desire Problems: How Your Personal Life Fits in
Wanting, Not Wanting to Want, and Two-Choice Dilemmas
Desire: A Capacity You Can Develop
Choosing Your Partner
Consciously Chosen, Freely Undertaken Desire
Desire Problems Involve Two-Choice Dilemmas
Do You Treat Your Partner Like a Friend?
Hold On to Your Self: Self-Confrontation and Self-Soothing
Normal Marital Sadism, the Devil's Pact, and Other Dark Stuff
Normal Marital Sadism
The Problem Isn't Your Lack of Relationship, It's the Relationship You Have
The Devil's Pact: Initiation Deals
The Crucible of Marriage
What Does It Take to Really Change Things? Safely, Growth, and Critical Mass
Safety and Security in Marriage
Balancing Comfort, Safety, and Growth
Critical Mass: The Point of Fundamental Change
Marriage's Grand Design
Using Your Body, Rewiring Your Brain, and Co-Evolving in Bed
A Collaborative Alliance Is More Important Than Perfect Technique
Collaborative Alliances
Some Families Never Have Collaborative Alliances
Maintain a Resilient Collaborative Alliance
Methods for Building a Physical Collaborative Alliance
Put Your Collaborative Alliance to Good Use
Curing Ticklishness and Noxious Touch
What Is Ticklishness?
Curing Ticklishness
Other Ways of Understanding Ticklishness
Collaborative Alliance: The Key to Resolving Ticklishness in the Moment
Resolving Ticklishness for the Long Term
Impacts of Ticklishness on Sexual Desire
Doing the Seemingly Impossible
Tender Loving Sex
New Application of Familiar Tools
Desire, Sex, Brain, and Self
Benefits of Tender Loving Sex
Exploring Your Sexual Potential
Blow Your Mind!
People Don't Fuck with Their Support System
Oral Sex: Fabulous for Changing Your Brain with Your Body and Mind
Receiving Can Be a Special Form of Giving
How to Use Your Mind and Body When Giving or Receiving Head
Ignite Desire in Your Bedroom
Referral Information
Overcoming Discomfort with Oral Sex
References
End Notes
Index

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