Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

ISBN-10: 0743487486
ISBN-13: 9780743487481
Edition: 2006
Authors: Alfie Kohn
List price: $15.99 Buy it from $3.00
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Description: Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins  More...

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Book details

List price: $15.99
Copyright year: 2006
Publisher: Atria Books
Publication date: 3/28/2006
Binding: Paperback
Pages: 272
Size: 5.50" wide x 8.50" long x 0.50" tall
Weight: 0.814

Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need -- and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for workingwithchildren rather than doing thingstothem. One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. More than just another book about discipline, though,Unconditional Parentingaddresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting -- including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

Alfie Kohn was described by "Time" as "the country's most outspoken critic of education's fixation on grades & test scores." The author of the influential "No Contest" & "Punished by Rewards," he writes & speaks widely about human behavior, education, & social theory. He lives in Belmont, Massachusetts.

Introduction
Conditional Parenting
Giving and withholding Love
Too Much Control
Punitive Damages
Pushed to Succeed
What Holds us Back?
Principles of Unconditional Parenting
Love Without Strings Attached
Choices for Children
The Child's Perspective
Parenting Styles: The Relevance of Culture, Class, and Race
Notes
References
Acknowledgments
Index

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