Joint Custody with a Jerk Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex - A Hands-On, Practical Guide to Communicating with a Difficult Ex-Spouse

ISBN-10: 0312584202
ISBN-13: 9780312584207
Edition: 2nd 2011 (Revised)
List price: $18.99 Buy it from $6.39
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Description: Parenting is difficult enough in a family where the two parents love and respect each other. In divorce, where the respect has diminished and the love has often turned into intense dislike, co-parenting cane drive on or both parents to the brink of  More...

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Book details

List price: $18.99
Edition: 2nd
Copyright year: 2011
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Publication date: 8/2/2011
Binding: Paperback
Pages: 304
Size: 5.75" wide x 8.25" long x 0.75" tall
Weight: 0.594
Language: English

Parenting is difficult enough in a family where the two parents love and respect each other. In divorce, where the respect has diminished and the love has often turned into intense dislike, co-parenting cane drive on or both parents to the brink of insanity. Joint Custody with a Jerkoffers many proven communication techniques that will help you deal with your difficult ex-husband or ex-wife by describing examples of common problems and teaching you to examine your role in these sticky situations. These strategies for effective mediation are easy to apply, down-to-earth, and innovative.

Introduction
What Did I Ever See in My Ex?
Sharing Custody with a Jerk
Life's Most Important Job
The Scope of This Book
Keeping It in Perspective
Driving Backward
If It Walks like a Jerk...
Respect: A Casualty of Divorce
Your History Plays a Part
What's Done Is Still Happening
Ted's Time Bomb
Renegotiating Your Relationship
Ending Self-Destructive Self-Talk
Post-Crisis Goals
When "I Do" Turns into "I Don't Have to Anymore"
Identifying the Problem (Other Than Your Ex Is a Jerk)
It's Always Something
Dealing with Denial
Separating the Feelings from the Problems
The Bigger Picture
The Think-Feel-Do Cycle
Changing Your Actions
What exactly is the Problem Here?
To Solve or Not to Solve
Isolating the Problem
Accepting Tolerable Situations
Who Tops the Problem Pyramid?
Responsibility
Contributing to the Solution
Justifying Your Actions
Making Assumptions
Engaging in Deliberate Manipulation
Projecting the Worst
Placing Blame
Allowing Guilt
Claiming Power
The Flip Side of the Coin: Taking Too Much Responsibility
The Problem Pyramid
Common Problems and Identifying Who Tops Them
When You Top the Problem Pyramid
I Pick Your Battles
Create a Plan of Action
Decide When and Where to Speak to Your Ex
Find a Neutral Territory
Reframe Your Relationship: This Isn't War, its Business
Know What You Want from Your Ex
Use "I" Statements to Communicate
Why "I" Statements Are Effective
Tone of Voice and Body Language
Positive Assertions Disarm Your Opponent
Positive Versus Negative Assertions
Inter-gender Communication
Eliminate "Always" and "Never"
Make Your Communication Effective
Practice Makes Perfect
When the "I" Statement Meets Resistance
When Your Ex Doesn't Give a $@#% How You Feel
Save the Sarcasm
Disengaging
Setting Yourself Up for Success
Tagging Positive Assertions with a Choice
Meaning What You Say
Brainstorming Solutions to Your Problems
Avoiding All-or-Nothing Traps
Taking It Slowly
Asking Questions
Role-Play: Doing Your Homework
Summing It Up
Problems That You Need to Solve
Working Through the Problems
My Ex Can Do No Wrong
Changing Plans
In Your Face on Facebook
Blockbuster Bust
Party Time
Visitation Via Skype
You've Got Mail!
A Recap
Learning to Cooperate with Your Ex
Working at Change
The Fight-or-Flight Response
Deep Breathing: A Technique That Calms
Shifting Your Mind-Set
Getting What We Give
Listening to Understand
Finding Agreement
Pulling Instead of Pushing
Avoiding Communication Blocks
The Box Step of Cooperative Communication
Catch 'Em Doing It Right
If You Lose It Completely, Apologize
Giving Yourself Permission to Compromise
When Your Child Tops the Problem Pyramid
Protecting Your Children
Overprotecting them
Listening Neutrally to Your Child
Refraining from Acting on Your Own Feelings
Listening with Heart
Cracking the Kids' Code
Acknowledging
Brainstorming with Kids
Giving Advice Carefully
Wondering What Would Happen If...
Handling Negativity
Examining Consequences
Letting It Rest
Allowing Your Child to Have a Relationship with the Other Parent
Handling Aftershocks Ahead of Time
Handling Manipulation
When Your Child's Problem Is with You
The Pre-verbal Child
Onions in the Tuna
What to Do When Your Child Tops the Problem Pyramid
Staying Out of It
Empowering Your Child
Empowerment = Self-Esteem
A Word about Discipline
Unconditional Love
Human Being Versus Human Doing
Listening to Your Child
Showing Confidence
Letting Go of Ideals
Watching Out for "But"
Separating Compliments from Requests
Separating Behavior from Love
Not Validating the "Monsters"
Shifting the Focus
Being a Role Model
When your Ex Tops the Problem Pyramid
How to Communicate When the Problem Belongs to Your Ex
Taking Your Time
Recognizing Bullying Techniques
Remaining Non-Defensive
Handing the Problem Back
Agreeing with Content
Click! The Ex Who Avoids
Claiming the Top of the Pyramid
Needing Legal or Professional Help
When Your Ex's "Other" Tops the Problem Pyramid
The Role of the Stepparent
Communicating in Our Digital World
Can You Hear Me Now?
Communicating Digitally
Texting Temptation
I See You
Email Equals
He's Got Mail
Face It
A Communication Disaster
Play It Again, Sam
I Just Called to Say I Don't Love You
No Hype with Skype
Pick a Date
Divorced Homes Are Different (Sometimes)
Your Family Is Unique
And Sometimes Divorced Homes Aren't So Different After All
Money Issues Go Both Ways
Different Parenting Styles
Creating a Different Structure
Seventeen Guidelines toward a Successful Foundation
Your Child's Needs and Rights
Living (and Dating) on the Bright Side
Healing After Divorce
Moving forward

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