| |
| |
| Acknowledgments | |
| |
| |
| A Special Preface to the First Edition | |
| |
| |
| Introduction: The Path of Reconciliation | |
| |
| |
| |
| Preparing the Ground | |
| |
| |
| |
| Growing Through the Pain: Estrangement, Time, and Maturity | |
| |
| |
| The Pain of Estrangement | |
| |
| |
| The Roots of Estrangement | |
| |
| |
| One Disappointment at a Time | |
| |
| |
| In Order to Reconcile, the Wound Can't Be Too Fresh | |
| |
| |
| Growing Bitter, Growing Sweet | |
| |
| |
| Life Shapes Us | |
| |
| |
| Rachel Thomas: Flying to My Sister's Side | |
| |
| |
| Death as a Teacher | |
| |
| |
| The Lessons Children Bring | |
| |
| |
| Maturity Allows Us to Embrace Paradox | |
| |
| |
| To Everything, There Is a Season | |
| |
| |
| |
| Building a Self: The Importance of Autonomy | |
| |
| |
| The Importance of Boundaries | |
| |
| |
| When Injuries Are Unforgivable | |
| |
| |
| Dana Roper: Returning the Gift He Gave Me | |
| |
| |
| When It's Time to Move On | |
| |
| |
| Kathleen Ryan: When Memories Are Disputed | |
| |
| |
| Establishing Terms of Engagement | |
| |
| |
| The Difference Between Reconciliation and Capitulation | |
| |
| |
| |
| Finding Clarity: The Task of Discernment | |
| |
| |
| What's Happening Now? | |
| |
| |
| What's My Role in This Estrangement? | |
| |
| |
| What's the Bigger Picture? | |
| |
| |
| Bridging the Generation Gap | |
| |
| |
| What Is the Other Person Capable Of? | |
| |
| |
| The Changes Were Going to Have to Happen Inside of Me | |
| |
| |
| What Kind of Person Do I Want to Be? | |
| |
| |
| Sharon Tobin: Choosing Compassion for a Dying Parent | |
| |
| |
| Does This Relationship Warrant Reconciliation? | |
| |
| |
| A Personal Decision | |
| |
| |
| Sara and Tom Brown: Facing a Broken Marriage | |
| |
| |
| Believing That People Can Change | |
| |
| |
| Different Circumstances, Different Choices | |
| |
| |
| How Close Do I Want to Be? | |
| |
| |
| Am I Prepared to Deal with the Outcome? | |
| |
| |
| Elizabeth Menkin: She Owes Us a Life | |
| |
| |
| From Discernment to Action | |
| |
| |
| |
| Marshaling Your Strength | |
| |
| |
| |
| Taking the First Steps: Gathering Courage | |
| |
| |
| Gary Geiger: Facing the Man Who Shot Me | |
| |
| |
| The Courage to Face Uncertainty | |
| |
| |
| Wendy Richter: Sometimes It's Enough for Things to Be Just a Little Bit Better | |
| |
| |
| Fear Doesn't Have to Stop You | |
| |
| |
| What Am I Afraid Of? | |
| |
| |
| First Steps | |
| |
| |
| Taking the First Step | |
| |
| |
| Slow but Steady Wins the Race | |
| |
| |
| Taking Risks Gradually | |
| |
| |
| The Courage to Face Yourself | |
| |
| |
| Kay Kessler: Growing a New Relationship | |
| |
| |
| The Courage to Change | |
| |
| |
| The Myth of the Cowardly Lion | |
| |
| |
| |
| Persistence Over Time: The Importance of Determination | |
| |
| |
| Being Resolute in Your Goals | |
| |
| |
| Beth Tanzman: I Just Had to Find Him | |
| |
| |
| Responses and Rejoinders | |
| |
| |
| Miriam Gladys: Making Amends to My Children | |
| |
| |
| Seeking Help Where You Can Find It | |
| |
| |
| Don't Sweat the Small Stuff | |
| |
| |
| Bruce Stevens: Creating Detente in the Family | |
| |
| |
| Expecting the Process to Have Ups and Downs | |
| |
| |
| Deciding to Let Go of the Past | |
| |
| |
| Kate Gillen: Fighting over My Father's Will | |
| |
| |
| Creating a New Future Together | |
| |
| |
| Establishing New Ways to Connect | |
| |
| |
| Bridging Distance, Getting Closer | |
| |
| |
| Honoring Everybody Involved | |
| |
| |
| Spiritual Strength Leads to Determination | |
| |
| |
| Azim Khamisa and Ples Felix: Victims on Both Sides of the Gun | |
| |
| |
| Reconciliation Is a Choice | |
| |
| |
| |
| Opening the Heart | |
| |
| |
| |
| Communication That Furthers Closeness: The Role of Listening and Honesty | |
| |
| |
| It Was Better Not to Talk About It | |
| |
| |
| Barbara Newman: E-Mailing My Brother After Thirty Years | |
| |
| |
| The Relationship Between Honesty and Discernment | |
| |
| |
| Choosing to Focus on What You Have Now | |
| |
| |
| Mindfulness and Honesty | |
| |
| |
| Paul Howerton: Deciding Not to Talk to My Father | |
| |
| |
| Hearing My Mother's Story | |
| |
| |
| We Needed to Talk About It | |
| |
| |
| Kate Howard: Creating a New History | |
| |
| |
| Learning to Listen | |
| |
| |
| An Opening of Doors | |
| |
| |
| Shawnee Undell: Receiving My Mother's Story | |
| |
| |
| The Marriage of Authenticity and Kindness | |
| |
| |
| Richard Hoffman: Half the House | |
| |
| |
| Another Profound Truth | |
| |
| |
| Melodye Feldman: Bringing Palestinian and Israeli Girls Together | |
| |
| |
| When Honesty Changes the World | |
| |
| |
| |
| Recognizing Our Shared Humanity: Finding Compassion | |
| |
| |
| Discernment with Heart | |
| |
| |
| Antonio de la Pena: Washing My Mother's Hair | |
| |
| |
| Compassion Begins with Acceptance | |
| |
| |
| Learning to Live with a Broken Heart | |
| |
| |
| Facing Mistakes with Love | |
| |
| |
| Compassion Comes from a Place of Wholeness | |
| |
| |
| Sometimes Just a Little Is Enough | |
| |
| |
| Compassion as a Choice | |
| |
| |
| Marc Levy: Understanding "The Sorrow of War" | |
| |
| |
| Bringing Together the Ultimate Enemies | |
| |
| |
| Armand Volkas: Bringing Together Children of Holocaust Survivors and Children of Nazis | |
| |
| |
| The Road from Revenge to Compassion: Six Steps That Can Change Enemies into Allies | |
| |
| |
| This Work Is About the Future | |
| |
| |
| Acts of Reconciliation: A Sharing of Poetry | |
| |
| |
| Compassion Moves Out into the World | |
| |
| |
| |
| Making Amends | |
| |
| |
| |
| Taking Responsibility: The Role of Humility and Accountability | |
| |
| |
| The Price of Pride | |
| |
| |
| Acknowledging Your Own Weaknesses | |
| |
| |
| Taking Stock, Looking Within | |
| |
| |
| Celia Sommer: Letting Go of Being Wronged | |
| |
| |
| Learning to Apologize | |
| |
| |
| The Role of Remorse and Respect | |
| |
| |
| From Apology to Action | |
| |
| |
| Pete Salmansohn: Choosing to Get Close Again | |
| |
| |
| The Accountability Continuum | |
| |
| |
| The Courage to Admit a Wrong | |
| |
| |
| Franklin Carter: A Violent Man Changes His Life | |
| |
| |
| The Healing Power of Accountability | |
| |
| |
| Accountability Leads to Self-Respect | |
| |
| |
| |
| The Question of Forgiveness | |
| |
| |
| Forgiveness as Something You Work At | |
| |
| |
| Forgiveness as a Spiritual Gift | |
| |
| |
| Forgiveness as Something That Requires Accountability | |
| |
| |
| Rabbi Steven Fink: Responding Compassionately to Hate | |
| |
| |
| Forgiveness as Something That Happens Unilaterally | |
| |
| |
| The Trouble with Pseudo-Forgiveness | |
| |
| |
| Resolution Is Possible Without Forgiveness | |
| |
| |
| Vicki Malloy: Rebuilding a Relationship with My Perpetrator | |
| |
| |
| Are Some Things Unforgivable? | |
| |
| |
| A Personal Decision | |
| |
| |
| |
| Finding Peace | |
| |
| |
| |
| When Reconciliation Is Impossible: The Task of Letting Go | |
| |
| |
| Accepting That the Relationship Is Over | |
| |
| |
| Letting Go When You Don't Know Why the Relationship Ended | |
| |
| |
| Peggy O'Neill: It's in Her Hands Now | |
| |
| |
| Letting Go Is a Process | |
| |
| |
| Helen Meyers: I Can't Force Him to Open the Door | |
| |
| |
| Leaving the Porch Light On | |
| |
| |
| Pam Leeds: Compassion from Afar | |
| |
| |
| The Opposite of Estrangement | |
| |
| |
| |
| When We Meet Again: The Benefits of Reconciliation | |
| |
| |
| Enjoying the Pleasures of Recovered Love | |
| |
| |
| Reweaving the Web of Community | |
| |
| |
| Reconciliation Leads to Peace | |
| |
| |
| Reconciliation Rekindles Optimism | |
| |
| |
| A Deep Sense of Peace | |
| |
| |
| Free Reconciliation Newsletter | |
| |
| |
| |
| Are You Ready for Reconciliation? | |
| |
| |
| |
| Ideas for Reflection and Discussion | |
| |
| |
| Index | |