| |
| |
| |
| Until Death Do Us Part? | |
| |
| |
| |
| Unfaithfully Yours | |
| |
| |
| Always Means Forever, or Does It? | |
| |
| |
| Why Affairs Happen | |
| |
| |
| When Do Affairs Happen? | |
| |
| |
| Just What Is an Affair, Anyway? | |
| |
| |
| Love Versus Sex | |
| |
| |
| How Men Versus Women See Affairs | |
| |
| |
| Setting Boundaries Together | |
| |
| |
| The Difference Between Adultery and Infidelity | |
| |
| |
| Does an Affair Always Mean the End? | |
| |
| |
| It Can't Happen to Me...or Can It? | |
| |
| |
| Do Numbers Lie? | |
| |
| |
| It Can Happen Anywhere? | |
| |
| |
| Welcome to the Club, Guys...and It's a Big One! | |
| |
| |
| Money Can Buy You Affairs | |
| |
| |
| The Male Take on Affairs | |
| |
| |
| Younger Versus Older Men | |
| |
| |
| Almost Any Time, Any Place | |
| |
| |
| It's Not Just a Guy Thing | |
| |
| |
| Now for Some Good News | |
| |
| |
| The "Affair-Prone" Quiz | |
| |
| |
| What Your Answers Mean | |
| |
| |
| |
| What Makes Us Affair Prone? | |
| |
| |
| Made to Lust | |
| |
| |
| The Long and the Short of It | |
| |
| |
| Biological Urges | |
| |
| |
| What's Jealousy Got to Do with It? | |
| |
| |
| There's No "Off" Switch | |
| |
| |
| The Brain Reigns | |
| |
| |
| The Elements of Attraction | |
| |
| |
| The Sixth Sense? | |
| |
| |
| Chemical Reactions | |
| |
| |
| When Infatuation Ends | |
| |
| |
| Great Expectations | |
| |
| |
| Tradition...Tradition? | |
| |
| |
| The Egyptian Double Standard | |
| |
| |
| Jewish Law | |
| |
| |
| Japanese Custom | |
| |
| |
| Fidelity, Hindu Style | |
| |
| |
| Marriage Among the Greeks and Romans | |
| |
| |
| Adultery as Sin | |
| |
| |
| Marriage as Protection from Evil | |
| |
| |
| Blame It on Saint Augustine | |
| |
| |
| And Then Comes Mohammed | |
| |
| |
| Where We Are Today | |
| |
| |
| Freedom for All | |
| |
| |
| Sexual Revolutions | |
| |
| |
| Striving for Fidelity? | |
| |
| |
| |
| Is "Happily Ever After" Just a Myth? | |
| |
| |
| What Sets Successful Couples Apart? | |
| |
| |
| Rare, but Possible...the "Happily Ever After" Relationship | |
| |
| |
| Recognizing One When You See It | |
| |
| |
| Best Friends | |
| |
| |
| The Successful Relationship Quiz | |
| |
| |
| What Your Answers Mean | |
| |
| |
| Elements of a Successful Relationship | |
| |
| |
| Pay Attention to Me! | |
| |
| |
| Talk, Talk, Talk | |
| |
| |
| Make Communication Work | |
| |
| |
| Tune In to Each Other's Limits | |
| |
| |
| Knowing Where "No" Is | |
| |
| |
| Setting Boundaries You Both Can Live With | |
| |
| |
| Be Willing to Compromise and Adapt | |
| |
| |
| Separate but Equal | |
| |
| |
| Close, but Not Too Close | |
| |
| |
| Delight in Each Other's Uniqueness | |
| |
| |
| Connecting Physically and Emotionally | |
| |
| |
| Isn't It Rich? Aren't We a Pair? | |
| |
| |
| It's the Little Things That Count | |
| |
| |
| |
| An Affair Is the End...or Is It? | |
| |
| |
| Death and Destruction--or the Start to Something New? | |
| |
| |
| Affairs Aren't Just Bad News | |
| |
| |
| Avoiding Doomsday Thinking | |
| |
| |
| Leaps and Bounds | |
| |
| |
| Time to Wake Up! | |
| |
| |
| When Inertia Sets In | |
| |
| |
| Most Relationships Can Make It | |
| |
| |
| ...Or Even Thrive | |
| |
| |
| Worth All the Effort | |
| |
| |
| Meeting Halfway | |
| |
| |
| The Work of Restoration | |
| |
| |
| When the End Is the End | |
| |
| |
| |
| Affair Anatomy 101 | |
| |
| |
| The Elements of an Affair | |
| |
| |
| Love Affairs | |
| |
| |
| Oh God, I Love You! | |
| |
| |
| Can't Get Enough Love | |
| |
| |
| Comfort Food | |
| |
| |
| Bridging the Gap | |
| |
| |
| Sex Affairs | |
| |
| |
| Evening the Score | |
| |
| |
| Other Reasons Why They Happen | |
| |
| |
| It Doesn't Mean Anything...or Does It? | |
| |
| |
| Love on the Line | |
| |
| |
| Email Love Letters | |
| |
| |
| Fantasies in Cyberspace | |
| |
| |
| Risks and Pitfalls | |
| |
| |
| Sexually Transmitted Diseases | |
| |
| |
| Hepatitis B | |
| |
| |
| Protect Yourself | |
| |
| |
| Obsessions | |
| |
| |
| Much Too Much | |
| |
| |
| When Casual Becomes More | |
| |
| |
| And Baby Makes--A Messs | |
| |
| |
| |
| Secrets to Affair-Proof Love | |
| |
| |
| |
| The Custom-Made Relationship | |
| |
| |
| Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams, Together | |
| |
| |
| Establishing the Foundation | |
| |
| |
| Trust and Respect | |
| |
| |
| Deadly Distrust | |
| |
| |
| Distrust Can Lead to Control | |
| |
| |
| Trust Leads to Honesty | |
| |
| |
| The Trust and Respect Quiz | |
| |
| |
| What Your Answers Mean | |
| |
| |
| Value Judgments | |
| |
| |
| What Your Answers Mean | |
| |
| |
| Are You Willing to Compromise? | |
| |
| |
| Your Needs, Her Needs, Our Needs | |
| |
| |
| Everyone's Different | |
| |
| |
| Something Old, Something New | |
| |
| |
| Color Me Happy! | |
| |
| |
| Supporting Your Partner's Growth | |
| |
| |
| |
| Paying Attention to Your Love | |
| |
| |
| The Work of Attention | |
| |
| |
| "I Don't Have Time" | |
| |
| |
| Identifying Your Time Gobblers | |
| |
| |
| What Your Answers Mean | |
| |
| |
| Finding Time | |
| |
| |
| On the High End of Responsibility | |
| |
| |
| Buying Time | |
| |
| |
| Other Creative Solutions | |
| |
| |
| Busy but Not Crazy | |
| |
| |
| On the Low End of Responsibility | |
| |
| |
| Off Balance or Out of Focus | |
| |
| |
| Managing Change | |
| |
| |
| Make a Game Plan | |
| |
| |
| Next Steps | |
| |
| |
| Talk Isn't Cheap | |
| |
| |
| Listen Up | |
| |
| |
| |
| Knowing Where "No" Is | |
| |
| |
| Drawing the Line | |
| |
| |
| What Makes Us Angry | |
| |
| |
| Don't Fence Me In! | |
| |
| |
| Defining Boundaries | |
| |
| |
| The Boundaries Quiz | |
| |
| |
| What Your Answers Mean | |
| |
| |
| Mapping the Variables | |
| |
| |
| Placing Your Markers | |
| |
| |
| Boundaries Are Not Stagnant | |
| |
| |
| Submerge Those Egos! | |
| |
| |
| The Art of the Compromise | |
| |
| |
| Adjusting the Lines | |
| |
| |
| |
| Sex, Sex and More Sex | |
| |
| |
| Birds Do It, Bees Do It, and You'd Better Keep Doing It, Too! | |
| |
| |
| Make Intimacy a Priority | |
| |
| |
| "Are You Free Next Friday at 2?" | |
| |
| |
| Revising Our Expectations | |
| |
| |
| Making the Best of the Situation | |
| |
| |
| Keeping the Sparks Flying | |
| |
| |
| Treat Your Partner Like a Lover | |
| |
| |
| Make Time for Foreplay | |
| |
| |
| Spice Things Up | |
| |
| |
| Flavored Lotions and Body Powders | |
| |
| |
| Sexy Dressing | |
| |
| |
| Erotica | |
| |
| |
| Sexual Fantasies | |
| |
| |
| Toys | |
| |
| |
| Be Comfortable with Your Body | |
| |
| |
| Managing the Monkey Wrenches | |
| |
| |
| |
| Making Magic in Your Relationship | |
| |
| |
| Love...The Renewable Resource | |
| |
| |
| Keeping Those Loving Feelings Alive | |
| |
| |
| Make Romance a Priority | |
| |
| |
| Daily Doses | |
| |
| |
| Stay in the Dating Mode | |
| |
| |
| Romance Across the Miles | |
| |
| |
| |
| Live, Love, Laugh and Be Happy | |
| |
| |
| Me Happy, You Happy, We Happy! | |
| |
| |
| What Happiness Is | |
| |
| |
| Having Good Relationships | |
| |
| |
| Having Good Self-Esteem | |
| |
| |
| Getting to Happy | |
| |
| |
| Finding Happiness with Yourself | |
| |
| |
| Exploring Self-Love | |
| |
| |
| The Self-Love Quiz | |
| |
| |
| What Your Answers Mean | |
| |
| |
| Increasing Your Self-Love Quotient | |
| |
| |
| Look Good to Feel Good | |
| |
| |
| Accentuate the Positive | |
| |
| |
| Level the Playing Field | |
| |
| |
| Love the Shape You're in (or at Least Accept It) | |
| |
| |
| Steer Clear of Negative Forces | |
| |
| |
| A Sense of Connection | |
| |
| |
| Don't Worry, Be Happy | |
| |
| |
| Living, Loving and Laughing | |
| |
| |
| Take Responsibility for Your Happiness | |
| |
| |
| |
| Danger: Affair Ahead! | |
| |
| |
| Stomping Through the Tulips | |
| |
| |
| The Seven-Year Itch | |
| |
| |
| The Honeymoon's Over | |
| |
| |
| The "Itchy" Years | |
| |
| |
| When the Nest Empties | |
| |
| |
| Age or Illness Can Create a Barrier | |
| |
| |
| Career Failures | |
| |
| |
| A New Sense of Self | |
| |
| |
| Seeking Refuge Elsewhere | |
| |
| |
| Too Much Success, Too Fast | |
| |
| |
| Financial Problems | |
| |
| |
| The Wonders of Birth | |
| |
| |
| Happy Birthdays? | |
| |
| |
| Losing Our Health | |
| |
| |
| Facing the Final Curtain | |
| |
| |
| Danger: Holidays Ahead! | |
| |
| |
| |
| Five Bad Habits That Lead to Affairs | |
| |
| |
| |
| Playing Emotional Hide-and-Seek | |
| |
| |
| Trust Goes Both Ways | |
| |
| |
| Looking for Attention | |
| |
| |
| |
| Being Critical | |
| |
| |
| Criticism Drives Love Away | |
| |
| |
| Not the Gift, but the Gesture | |
| |
| |
| |
| Living in a Rut | |
| |
| |
| Constant Chaos, No Good Either | |
| |
| |
| |
| Putting Your Partner on Hold | |
| |
| |
| Waiting for Perfection | |
| |
| |
| Work, Work, Work | |
| |
| |
| Too Much Exercise, Not Enough Sexercise | |
| |
| |
| Kids, Kids, Kids | |
| |
| |
| Pet "Children" | |
| |
| |
| |
| Failing to Communicate | |
| |
| |
| |
| Reading the Weaning Signs | |
| |
| |
| Emotional Distress Signals | |
| |
| |
| Scoping Out the Signals | |
| |
| |
| Something's in the Air | |
| |
| |
| Living a Double Life | |
| |
| |
| Under the Magnifying Glass | |
| |
| |
| Words in a Bubble | |
| |
| |
| Too Good, Too Nice | |
| |
| |
| An Increasing Sense of Dis-Ease | |
| |
| |
| Gimme Space! | |
| |
| |
| "Frankly, My Dear..." | |
| |
| |
| Walking on Eggshells | |
| |
| |
| A Short Fuse | |
| |
| |
| Picky, Picky, Picky | |
| |
| |
| Sex, Exit Stage Left | |
| |
| |
| Is This the End? | |
| |
| |
| |
| On the Trail of an Affair | |
| |
| |
| Clueing into an Affair | |
| |
| |
| The Subtle Signs | |
| |
| |
| The Not-So-Subtle Signs | |
| |
| |
| The Knock-You-Across-the-Chops Signs | |
| |
| |
| Blind Trust--or Blinders On? | |
| |
| |
| Think No Evil, See No Evil | |
| |
| |
| When Business Is Monkey Business | |
| |
| |
| Can Men and Women Just Be Friends? | |
| |
| |
| Satisfying Your Suspicions | |
| |
| |
| Just Relax! | |
| |
| |
| Maybe There's Another Problem Here | |
| |
| |
| I'm on Your Trail | |
| |
| |
| Risky Business | |
| |
| |
| Hiring a Professional | |
| |
| |
| Investigate Your Investigator | |
| |
| |
| |
| When an Affair Happens | |
| |
| |
| |
| The First Blush | |
| |
| |
| Shock Waves | |
| |
| |
| Riding the Emotional Merry-Go-Round | |
| |
| |
| What the Affair Means (or Doesn't Mean) About You | |
| |
| |
| Keep the Reins On | |
| |
| |
| Should You Ask for a Confession? | |
| |
| |
| Face the Fear | |
| |
| |
| Sort Out Your Emotions | |
| |
| |
| Don't Let Worry Overcome You! | |
| |
| |
| Don't Throw Him (or Her) Out! | |
| |
| |
| Maintain the Status Quo | |
| |
| |
| Couples That Sleep Together | |
| |
| |
| Going on the Defensive | |
| |
| |
| Confronting the Affairee | |
| |
| |
| Sure You Want to Know? | |
| |
| |
| D-I-V-O-R-C-E | |
| |
| |
| |
| Coping with His (or Her) Affair | |
| |
| |
| Taking the Long View of Things | |
| |
| |
| Building a New "Operating System" (at Least Temporarily) | |
| |
| |
| Don't Air Dirty Laundry | |
| |
| |
| Just Between the Two of You | |
| |
| |
| Putting the Affair in Its Place | |
| |
| |
| Telling Others | |
| |
| |
| Managing the Buttinskys | |
| |
| |
| Stop 'em in Their Tracks | |
| |
| |
| What About the Kids? | |
| |
| |
| More Than They Can Handle | |
| |
| |
| Wait Until You Have Something Positive to Tell | |
| |
| |
| Should You Retaliate by Having an Affair? | |
| |
| |
| Crossing Your Spouse's Affair Wires | |
| |
| |
| Dealing with Missing Persons | |
| |
| |
| Protect Your Children | |
| |
| |
| You're Not Your Spouse's Keeper | |
| |
| |
| Sex | |
| |
| |
| What to Expect | |
| |
| |
| Be Here Now | |
| |
| |
| Sharing Life's Burdens | |
| |
| |
| |
| Keeping Your Life Together | |
| |
| |
| Out, Out, Damn Stress | |
| |
| |
| Identifying Your Stress-Management Style | |
| |
| |
| What Your Answers Mean | |
| |
| |
| Meditating | |
| |
| |
| Saying a Prayer (or Lots of Them!) | |
| |
| |
| Getting Better at It All the Time | |
| |
| |
| Experiencing the Power of Prayer | |
| |
| |
| Praying for Peace (of Mind) | |
| |
| |
| Now, Just Take a Deep Breath | |
| |
| |
| Finding Time to Be Angry | |
| |
| |
| Finding a Sympathetic Ear | |
| |
| |
| Taking a Walk | |
| |
| |
| Pampering Yourself | |
| |
| |
| Treating Yourself | |
| |
| |
| Eat Right | |
| |
| |
| Get Your Rest | |
| |
| |
| Stay Away from Alcohol | |
| |
| |
| Do unto Others | |
| |
| |
| |
| From the Outside Looking In | |
| |
| |
| Affairs--the Ecstasy | |
| |
| |
| Affairs--the Reality | |
| |
| |
| The Big Juggling Act | |
| |
| |
| Maybe Hazardous Territory | |
| |
| |
| "Buyer's Remorse" | |
| |
| |
| The Emotional Life Cycle of an Affair | |
| |
| |
| The Bloom Is on the Rose | |
| |
| |
| Emotions on the Run | |
| |
| |
| Looking Different? | |
| |
| |
| Getting to Know You | |
| |
| |
| The Good and Bad of This Stage | |
| |
| |
| Getting Comfortable | |
| |
| |
| The Bloom Is Off the Rose | |
| |
| |
| Distance Can Make the Heart Grow Colder | |
| |
| |
| Recognizing the End | |
| |
| |
| A Happy Ending? Probably Not! | |
| |
| |
| Coping with Postaffair Life | |
| |
| |
| |
| Creating an Affair-Proof Future | |
| |
| |
| |
| Out in the Open | |
| |
| |
| Clearing the Air | |
| |
| |
| Opening Pandora's Box | |
| |
| |
| Letting Bygones Be Bygones | |
| |
| |
| Keeping the Past in the Past | |
| |
| |
| Don't Sweep Your Problems Under a Rug | |
| |
| |
| Laying Your Cards on the Table | |
| |
| |
| The Pitfalls of Confrontation | |
| |
| |
| Staying in Control | |
| |
| |
| Dealing with a Buck Passer | |
| |
| |
| Aiding and Abetting a Confession | |
| |
| |
| Into the Confessional | |
| |
| |
| Dealing with Dread | |
| |
| |
| Managing the Confession | |
| |
| |
| Don't Put Off or Avoid It | |
| |
| |
| Handling the News | |
| |
| |
| Keep Your Defenses Down | |
| |
| |
| It's Not a Grudge Match | |
| |
| |
| Withhold Moral Judgments | |
| |
| |
| Don't Assume Your Partner's Blame | |
| |
| |
| Deciding What You Want to Hear | |
| |
| |
| For Your Spouse: Looking at Things from the Other Side | |
| |
| |
| Why You Should Talk About It | |
| |
| |
| Dim the Spotlight | |
| |
| |
| Saying What You Need to Say | |
| |
| |
| No Pointing | |
| |
| |
| Avoid Unclear Statements | |
| |
| |
| Deciding How Much to Say | |
| |
| |
| Be Contrite | |
| |
| |
| Back to You, the Spurned Spouse: Deciding What You Both Want Next | |
| |
| |
| |
| Surviving the Storm | |
| |
| |
| Has the Fat Lady Sung? | |
| |
| |
| How Are You Feeling? | |
| |
| |
| How's Your Partner Feeling? | |
| |
| |
| Where Things Stand Now | |
| |
| |
| This Isn't the End...Unless You Want It to Be | |
| |
| |
| Learn from This? Surely You Jest! | |
| |
| |
| Addressing the Issues | |
| |
| |
| Increasing the Odds for Success | |
| |
| |
| Dealing with Depression | |
| |
| |
| Coping with Anger | |
| |
| |
| Recognizing the Emotion | |
| |
| |
| Venting Anger Constructively | |
| |
| |
| Can You Live Happily Ever After? | |
| |
| |
| The Key Ingredient--Desire | |
| |
| |
| Can You Forgive? | |
| |
| |
| Battling the "What Ifs?" | |
| |
| |
| Does She Deserve a Second Chance? | |
| |
| |
| What Your Answers Mean | |
| |
| |
| Will He Stray Again? | |
| |
| |
| No Sure Thing | |
| |
| |
| |
| Love on the Mend | |
| |
| |
| What You've Learned So Far | |
| |
| |
| The World Didn't End | |
| |
| |
| No On'es Perfect | |
| |
| |
| It Takes Two to Tango | |
| |
| |
| What You're About to Learn | |
| |
| |
| Repairing Your Relationship | |
| |
| |
| Put the Issues on the Table | |
| |
| |
| Restoring Trust | |
| |
| |
| Forgiving and Forgetting | |
| |
| |
| Rebuilding Respect | |
| |
| |
| Restoring Self-Esteem | |
| |
| |
| So...What About Sex? | |
| |
| |
| The Rating Game | |
| |
| |
| Sex, the Second Time Around | |
| |
| |
| More Fire Starters | |
| |
| |
| Addressing Sensitive Sexual Issues | |
| |
| |
| Falling in Love...All Over Again | |
| |
| |
| |
| Keeping Your Relationship on Track | |
| |
| |
| Dealing with Temptation | |
| |
| |
| Just Say No | |
| |
| |
| Checking Your Pros and Cons | |
| |
| |
| Resisting the Devil | |
| |
| |
| Being Accountable | |
| |
| |
| Redefining Emotional Boundaries | |
| |
| |
| Getting Your Fears Out in the Open | |
| |
| |
| A Comfortable Compromise for Both | |
| |
| |
| Redefining Sexual Boundaries | |
| |
| |
| Open Marriage | |
| |
| |
| Understanding the Whole Concept | |
| |
| |
| Mutual Consent and Respect | |
| |
| |
| Should We Swing? | |
| |
| |
| Casual Sex | |
| |
| |
| Sexless Swinging | |
| |
| |
| |
| Next Steps | |
| |
| |
| Expectations, Great or Not | |
| |
| |
| Getting Back on Track | |
| |
| |
| Staying Together | |
| |
| |
| Will It Happen Again? | |
| |
| |
| Forgetting the Past | |
| |
| |
| Taking the Good and Leaving the Bad Behind | |
| |
| |
| Walking the Walk, Even When You're Not Sure | |
| |
| |
| Keep Talking | |
| |
| |
| Dealing with the Children | |
| |
| |
| Talk to Their Level | |
| |
| |
| Present a United Front | |
| |
| |
| Reestablishing Social Contacts | |
| |
| |
| Be Up Front with Them | |
| |
| |
| Choose Your Friends for Now | |
| |
| |
| Finding Help | |
| |
| |
| How to Find a Therapist | |
| |
| |
| What to Expect | |
| |
| |
| Hard Work--but Worth It | |
| |
| |
| Letting Time Pass | |
| |
| |
| Focus on the Future | |
| |
| |
| Shoot for the Stars! | |
| |
| |
| Appendices | |
| |
| |
| |
| The Affair-Proof Love Blueprint | |
| |
| |
| |
| Good Places for More Help | |
| |
| |
| Index | |