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| You Can't Smack 'Em--Manage Them Instead | |
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| Don't Just Sit and Suffer | |
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| The Cost of Difficult People | |
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| The Cost to You | |
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| The Cost to Others--It's Not Just All About You | |
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| Cost to the Organization | |
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| A Hundred and One Uses for Difficult People | |
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| The Canary--Difficult but Handy | |
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| Looking in the Mirror | |
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| Avoid Being a Victim | |
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| The Perils of Inaction | |
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| Leaping Before You look | |
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| Four Reasons You Might Choose to Be a Victim | |
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| Disbelief (This Can't Be Happening) | |
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| Desire to Avoid Confrontation | |
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| Nobody Wants to Be the Bad Guy | |
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| Fight or Flight | |
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| You Can Do Something--You Must Do Something | |
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| The Magical Manipulative Ways of the Difficult | |
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| It's Not the Difficult People, It's the Difficult Behavior | |
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| How Labeling People as Difficult Causes Problems | |
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| An Alternative--Focus on Behavior | |
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| At Every Desk a Difficult Person (Sometimes) | |
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| It Takes Two | |
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| The Various Manipulative Techniques of the Difficult | |
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| Direct Work-Related Difficult Behavior | |
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| Attacks on You, the Manager | |
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| Difficult Interpersonal Behavior | |
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| Back-Channel Guerrilla Work | |
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| Chronic Versus Occasional Difficult Behavior | |
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| How Does Knowing All This Help? | |
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| What Makes Difficult People Tick ... and Tick | |
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| You Don't Need to Be a Shrink | |
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| Are They Just Screwed Up? | |
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| It's About What People Have Learned | |
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| It's Also About Skill | |
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| It's Also About Emotion | |
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| What Are Difficult People After? | |
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| Sense of Control | |
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| Straw That Stirs the Drink | |
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| I'm Not Much So I Have a Lot to Prove | |
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| A Reaction ... I Need A Reaction | |
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| Weird Biology, Weird Science | |
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| How Does Knowing All This Help? | |
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| Why Me, Lord, Why Me?--The Manager's Burden | |
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| It's Probably not Personal | |
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| ... But It Might Be You | |
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| Identifying If It Is You | |
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| It's Your Choice to Change | |
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| The Manager's Extra Burden | |
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| Responsibility for Your Work Unit's Productivity | |
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| Responsibility for Staff Welfare | |
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| Responsibility for Mediation | |
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| It's in Your Self-Interest | |
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| Keeping Your Feet on the Ground with Difficult People | |
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| It Isn't Going to Work with Me | |
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| Blaming and Problem Solving--the Difference | |
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| Avoid the Lowest Common Denominator | |
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| Slow Down Your Talk and Responses | |
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| Listen and Paraphrase | |
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| Call Time-Out | |
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| What You Focus on You Get More Of | |
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| Think Big Picture--Think Long Term | |
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| Using Self-Talk to Stay Balanced | |
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| Negative, Nonconstructive Self-Talk | |
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| Positive Constructive Self-Talk | |
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| Managing Garden-Variety Employees | |
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| Identifying the Garden-Variety Difficult Employee | |
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| Identifying the Difficult Employee | |
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| The Hidden Costs of the Garden-Variety Difficult Employee | |
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| Take Action to Prevent Worsening Behavior | |
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| Your Interpersonal Tools | |
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| Formal Authority Tools | |
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| So, You Think You Really Have Power? | |
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| So When Is the Use of Authority Warranted? | |
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| Preventative Tools | |
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| Creating Norms | |
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| The Power of Norm Creation | |
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| Providing Feedback to Difficult Employees | |
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| Feedback--a Major Tool for Change | |
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| The Different Faces of Feedback | |
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| Two Feedback Dimensions: Factual and Emotional | |
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| Sources of Feedback | |
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| Feedback Strategies | |
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| Direct Feedback | |
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| Facilitating Feedback from Others | |
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| Cueing Attention on Task Feedback | |
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| Giving Feedback That Gets Positive Results | |
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| Feedback That's Somewhat Controlled by Recipient | |
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| No Overload | |
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| Feedback Should Be Specific and Refer to Behavior | |
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| Balance Positive and Negative | |
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| Frame the Feedback | |
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| Recap Together | |
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| Parrying the Difficult Thrusts | |
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| Have Some Cheese with the Whine | |
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| Beginning the Process | |
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| Empathy Responses | |
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| Returning Responsibility | |
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| Personal Attacks | |
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| Private Attacks | |
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| Assertive Limit Setting | |
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| Public Attacks | |
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| Dealing With Minor Back-Channel Problems | |
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| Modeling Behavior | |
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| Mobilizing Group Pressure | |
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| Skill Building | |
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| The Work and Responsibility Avoider | |
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| The Meeting Disrupter | |
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| The Naysayer | |
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| Using Performance Management to Help | |
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| Performance Management Isn't What You Think | |
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| What Performance Management Isn't | |
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| The Links Between Performance Management and Managing Difficult People | |
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| The Important Parts of Performance Management | |
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| Performance Planning | |
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| Ongoing Performance Communication | |
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| Documentation, Data Gathering, and Diagnosis | |
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| The Performance Review | |
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| Using Performance Management to Solve Performance Difficulties and Soft Problems | |
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| Addressing the Productivity Issue | |
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| Addressing the Softer Team Issues | |
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| Monkey in the Middle: Mediation and Arbitration | |
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| Deciding When to Step In--Whose Banana Is It? | |
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| Mediation--What Is It? When Does It Fit? | |
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| When Is Mediation Likely to Work? | |
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| Deciding to Mediate | |
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| Hold Preliminary Meetings | |
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| Logistics and Establishing Context for Three-Way Meetings | |
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| The Process | |
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| Working to the Breakthrough | |
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| Tasks and Roles of the Manager-as-Mediator | |
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| Framing Agreements and Following Up | |
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| Arbitration, or When Someone Just Has to Decide | |
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| Arbitration Tips | |
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| Mediation Versus Arbitration | |
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| Managing the Venomous Difficult Employee | |
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| Indentifying the Venomous Difficult Employee | |
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| What Separates Venomous from Garden Variety | |
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| Why the Venomous Employee Is So Dangerous | |
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| Techniques of the Viper | |
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| Abuse and Personal Attacks | |
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| Outright Sabotage | |
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| Backroom Politicking and String Pulling | |
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| The Pinocchio Problem | |
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| Tying Up the Venomous Person in a Nice Pink Bow | |
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| Can You Create Win-Win with These Folks? And How! | |
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| Is Win-Win Possible with the Venomous? | |
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| Disadvantages of Win-Win Attempts | |
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| So Is It Possible? Is It Worth It? | |
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| Win-Win--Breaking Through with the Approach | |
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| Looking Under the Rock--Figuring Out What's Going On | |
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| Your Turn--Presenting Where You Are | |
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| Collaborative Problem Solving | |
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| The End Game--Commitment and Follow-Up | |
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| I Fought The Law and ...? | |
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| The Legal Swamp | |
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| Layer upon Layer of Law | |
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| How the Law Really Works | |
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| Disciplinary Issues--Do You Have Protection? | |
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| The Disciplinary Prophylactic | |
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| Oral Warning | |
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| Formal Oral Warning with Documentation | |
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| Written Warning | |
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| Final Warning | |
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| Termination | |
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| |
| Hey, You Have Another Legal Responsibility | |
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| Is There Any Good News Here? | |
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| Worry About the Other Shoe Dropping-- Violence | |
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| View from the Bridge--Some Background on Violence | |
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| Violence, Disciplinary Action, and Dismissal | |
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| Preventive Measures and Dismissal | |
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| Other Tips | |
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| |
| Is Workplace Violence Predictable? | |
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| |
| Personal Indicators | |
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| Workplace Behavior | |
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| Obsessions | |
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| Action Changes and Behavior | |
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| Preventative Steps for All Workplace Violence | |
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| |
| Corporate Initiatives | |
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| Initiatives You Can Take | |
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| |
| |
| When the Difficult Person Is Your Boss | |
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| |
| The Nutso Boss | |
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| |
| Some Bosses Really Are Nuts | |
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| |
| Jelly-Fished Out | |
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| |
| Egomaniac Puppeteer | |
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| |
| The Substance Abuser | |
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| |
| The Paranoid Empire Builder | |
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| |
| The Totally Incompetent Nice Addict | |
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| Tricks to Survive a Nutty Boss | |
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| |
| Get Connected | |
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| Conduct Business Publicly | |
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| The Written Word Is Gold | |
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| Get Small, Get Invisible, Be Sneaky | |
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| Developing a Productive Mind-set | |
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| |
| Focus on the Work | |
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| |
| Don't Expect Squat | |
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| Be Prepared for Surprises | |
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| |
| Explore Alternatives | |
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| |
| So You Want to Try Getting Through to Your Boss? | |
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| |
| What Drives Your Boss? | |
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| Link Your Goals to the Boss's Problems | |
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| |
| Do the Pitch | |
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| |
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| Fighting Fire with Water--Your Difficult-Boss Options | |
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| |
| Consider the Consequences | |
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| |
| Start with the Effects and Outcomes | |
| |
| |
| What's Your Personal Situation? | |
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| |
| What Are Your Options? | |
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| |
| Quitting Immediately | |
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| |
| Laying Down the Groundwork for Leaving | |
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| |
| Laying Down an Ultimatum | |
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| Appeals | |
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| Appeals to the Boss's Boss | |
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| |
| Appeals to the Human Resource Department | |
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| |
| Getting Sneaky | |
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| |
| Working It Out | |
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| |
| Living With It | |
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| Wrapping It Up | |
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| |
| Silly Boss Behaviors--Specific Situations | |
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| |
| The Credit-Stealing Boss | |
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| |
| Mary's First Step: Some Objective Thinking | |
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| |
| Trying to Work It Out | |
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| |
| Turning Up the Heat | |
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| Last Resorts | |
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| |
| The Unreasonable-Demands Boss | |
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| |
| Let's Put You in the Driver's Seat | |
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| |
| The Pitch | |
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| Your Other "Working with" Options | |
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| If None of That Works | |
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| |
| A Sobering Thought | |
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| |
| |
| Is Your Boss Doing Something Illegal? | |
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| |
| Clearly Illegal Acts | |
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| |
| Rumor Versus Fact | |
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| |
| Three Options | |
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| |
| Ignoring It | |
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| |
| Try Company Channels | |
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| |
| The Long Arm of the Law | |
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| How to Pass Along Information | |
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| |
| Gray-Area Illegal Acts | |
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| |
| When the Boss Violates Policy | |
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| |
| |
| If It Wasn't for My Difficult Co-Workers | |
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| |
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| Difficult Colleagues | |
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| |
| The Annoying and Frustrating | |
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| |
| It's Your Annoyance | |
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| |
| OK, Wise Guy, How Do I Change My Perceptions? | |
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| The Work Killers | |
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| The Resource Hog | |
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| Just Insensitive | |
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| |
| No-Fault Teflon Co-workers | |
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| |
| Backstabbers and Gossips | |
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| The Authority Underminers | |
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| The Turf Warriors | |
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| Real Conflict and What to Do About It | |
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| Two Kinds of Conflicts | |
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| Substantive Conflict | |
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| Personalized Conflict | |
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| Is Conflict Always Bad? | |
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| Conflict: The Good | |
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| Conflict: The Bad | |
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| Conflict: The Ugly | |
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| Five Different Ways to Manage Conflict | |
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| |
| Avoidance and/or Denial | |
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| |
| |
| Giving In or Yielding | |
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| Compromise: Give a Little, Take a Little | |
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| Competition or Power-Based | |
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| Collaborative Win-Win Method | |
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| |
| |
| Getting Help from Others, Including the Boss | |
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| |
| Boss Cultivation--The Long Approach | |
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| Boss-Cultivation Principles | |
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| When to Involve the Boss | |
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| Approaching Smart--Involving Smart | |
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| The Approach Process | |
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| Smart Involvement | |
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| Help from Other Sources | |
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| Knowing When You Are in Big Trouble | |
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| |
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| Knowing Your Communication Media | |
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| How Communication Media Differ | |
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| Speed of Communication | |
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| Interactivity of Communication | |
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| Spontaneity and Formality | |
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| |
| Face-to-Face and Telephone Communication | |
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| Written Communication | |
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| E-mail Communication--A Brave New World | |
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| |
| Things You Need to Know About E-mail | |
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| The Paperless Message | |
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| "I Really Didn't Mean It" | |
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| "It's Lost in My To-Be-Read File" | |
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| |
| Not for Your Eyes Only | |
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| Some E-mail Tips | |
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| I Confess, I'm Difficult (Help for the Guilty) | |
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| We're All Difficult Sometimes--Are You Difficult Too Much? | |
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| |
| Why It's So Hard to See Our Own Difficult Behavior | |
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| Why Looking at Yourself Is So Important | |
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| |
| Some Difficulty Indicators | |
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| |
| Sometimes You Just Have to Ask | |
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| |
| Informal Feedback | |
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| |
| More Formal Ways to Get Feedback | |
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| |
| |
| Getting Less Difficult--Words and Deeds | |
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| |
| Getting Back to Behavior--the Starting Block | |
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| |
| How People Come to See You as Difficult | |
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| |
| Are You Trustworthy? | |
| |
| |
| Wanna Be More Consistent and Congruent? | |
| |
| |
| Change How You Promise or Commit | |
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| Review Your Decision Making | |
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| |
| What About Your Demeanor and Management Approach? | |
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| |
| How to Become More Congruent | |
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| |
| |
| Getting Less Difficult--The Words, Ma'am, Just the Words | |
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| |
| What's Your Style? | |
| |
| |
| Cooperative Language | |
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| |
| Confrontational Language | |
| |
| |
| What's Their Problem? | |
| |
| |
| Lack of Listening/Understanding | |
| |
| |
| "Less-than" Communication | |
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| |
| Communicating Mistrust | |
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| |
| Violation of Conversation Rules | |
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| |
| Blatant Generalizations | |
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| |
| Power/Status-Based Communication | |
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| |
| Replacing Confrontational Language with Cooperative Language | |
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| |
| Move from Power to Cooperation | |
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| |
| Get Rid of the Mistrust Stuff | |
| |
| |
| Shed Blatant Generalizations | |
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| |
| Lose Phrases that Cause Defensiveness | |
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| |
| More Fixing Up | |
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| |
| Infallibility Breeds Contempt | |
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| |
| Hints for Improving at Cooperative Communication | |
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| Appendixes | |
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| |
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| Glossary | |
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| |
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| Additional Resources | |
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| |
| Index | |